The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"Nay, nay, nae larking. Mind the business or you'll ruin my
reputation."
"Mind my business, I'll mind yours," replied Jimmy joyously, for the
lovely Sabra was smiling right in his eyes. A Dragon divided against
itself cannot stand, so Davie had to wait till the beast came off. To
his horror Jimmy refused to budge from his shell. He begged for just
one "keek" at the stage, but Jimmy replied: "You don't catch me like
that." Davie said little more, but he matured a crafty plan, and in
the next scene he whispered:--
"Jimmy!"
"Shut up, Davie; I'm busy."
"I've got a pin, and if ye shallna promise to restore me my richts
after the next exit, ye shall feel the taste of it."
"You'll just stay where you are," came back the peremptory reply.
Deep went the pin in Jimmy's rear, and the Dragon gave such a howl
that Davie's blood ran cold. Too late he remembered that it was not
the Dragon's cue, and that he was making havoc of his own professional
reputation. Through the canvas he felt the stern gaze of the
actor-manager. He thought of pricking Jimmy only at the howling cues,
but then the howl thus produced was so superior to his own, that if
Jimmy chose to claim it, he might be at once engaged to replace him in
the part. What a dilemma!
Poor Davie! As if it was not enough to be cut off from all the
brilliant spectacle, pent in pitchy gloom and robbed of all his "fat"
and his painfully rehearsed "second edition" touches. He felt like one
of those fallen archangels of the footlights who live to bear
Ophelia's bier on boards where they once played Hamlet.
Far different emotions were felt at the Dragon's head, where Jimmy's
joy faded gradually away, replaced by a passion of indignation, as
with love-sharpened eyes he ascertained for himself the true relations
of the actor-manager with his "principal girl." He saw from his coign
of vantage the poor modest little thing shrinking before the cowardly
advances of her employer, who took every possible advantage of the
stage potentialities, in ways the audience could not discriminate from
the acting. Alas! what could the gentle little bread-winner do? But
Jimmy's blood was boiling. Davie's great scene arrived: the battle
royal between St. George and the Dragon. Sabra, bewitchingly radiant
in white Arabian silk, stood under the orange-tree where the pendent
fruit was labelled three a penny. Here St. George, in knightly armour
clad, retired between the rounds, to be sponged by the fair Sabra,
from whose lips he took the opportunity of drinking encouragement.
When the umpire cried "Time!" Jimmy uttered inarticulate cries of real
rage and malediction, vomiting his squibs straight at the champion's
eyes with intent to do him grievous bodily injury. But squibs have
their own ways of jumping, and the actor-manager's face was protected
by his glittering burgonet.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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