The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
General
The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
At last Jimmy and Davie were duly despatched by St. George's trusty
sword, Ascalon, which passed right between them and stuck out on the
other side amid the frantic applause of the house. The Dragon reeled
cumbrously sideways and bit the dust, of which there was plenty. Then
Sabra rushed forward from under the orange-tree and encircled her
hero's hauberk with a stage embrace, while St. George, lifting up his
visor, rained kiss after kiss on Sabra's scarlet face, and the "gods"
went hoarse with joy.
"Oh, sir!" Jimmy heard the still small voice of the bread-winner
protest feebly again and again amid the thunder, as she tried to
withdraw herself from her employer's grasp. This was the last straw.
Anger and the foul air of his prison wrought up Jimmy to asphyxiation
point. What wonder if the Dragon lost his head completely?
Davie will never forget the horror of that moment when he felt himself
dragged upwards as by an irresistible tornado, and knew himself for a
ruined actor. Mechanically he essayed to cling to the ground, but in
vain. The dead Dragon was on its feet in a moment; in another, Jimmy
had thrown off the mask, showing a shock of hair and a blotched
crimson face, spotted with great beads of perspiration. Unconscious of
this culminating outrage, Davie made desperate prods with his pin, but
Jimmy was equally unconscious of the pricks. The thunder died
abruptly. A dead silence fell upon the whole house--you could have
heard Davie's pin drop. St. George, in amazed consternation, released
his hold of Sabra and cowered back before the wild glare of the
bloodshot eyes. "How dare you?" rang out in hoarse screaming accents
from the protruding head, and with one terrific blow of its right
fore-leg the hybrid monster felled Sabra's insulter to the ground.
The astonished St. George lay on his back, staring up vacantly at the
flies.
"I'll teach you how to behave to a lady!" roared the Dragon.
Then Davie tugged him frantically backwards, but Jimmy cavorted
obstinately in the centre of the stage, which the actor-manager had
taken even in his fall, so that the Dragon's hind legs trampled
blindly on Davie's prostrate chief, amid the hysterical convulsions of
the house.
* * * * *
Next morning the local papers were loud in their praises of the
"Second Edition" of _St. George and the Dragon_, especially of the
"genuinely burlesque and topsy-turvy episode in which the Dragon rises
from the dead to read St. George a lesson in chivalry; a really
side-splitting conception, made funnier by the grotesque revelation of
the constituents of the Dragon, just before it retires for the night."
The actor-manager had no option but to adopt this reading, so had to
be hoofed and publicly reprimanded every evening during the rest of
the season, glad enough to get off so cheaply.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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