The studies of my youth have developed in me one passion, to the
exclusion of all others; the desire to know; or if you like the term
better, call it curiosity. From the day when I embarked for Athens, my
only pleasure was to learn; my only grief, ignorance. I loved science
ardently, and no one, as yet, had disputed her claim in my heart. I must
confess that I had little tenderness and that poetry and Hermann Schultz
rarely entered the same door. I went about the world, as in a vast
museum, magnifying glass in hand. I observed the pleasures and
sufferings of others as emotions worthy of study, but unworthy of envy
or pity. I was no more jealous of a happy household, than of two palm
trees with branches interlaced by the wind; I had just as much
compassion for a heart torn by love, as I had for a geranium ruined by
the frost. When one has practiced vivisection, one is no longer
sensitive to the quivering of the flesh. I would have been a good
spectator at a combat of gladiators. Photini's love for Harris would
have aroused pity in any heart but a naturalist's. The poor creature
"loved at random," to quote a beautiful saying of Henry IV; and it was
evident that she loved hopelessly. She was too timid to display her
affection, and John was too indifferent to divine it. Even if he had
noticed anything, what hope was there that he would feel any interest
in an ugly Greek girl? Photini passed four days with us; the four
Sundays of April. She looked at Harris from morning to night, with
loving but despairing eyes; but she never found the courage to open her
mouth in his presence. Harris whistled tranquilly, Dimitri growled like
a young bull-dog, and I smilingly looked on at this strange malady, from
which my constitution had preserved me.
In the meantime, my father had written me that his affairs were not
going well; that travelers were scarce; that food was dear; that our
neighbors were about to emigrate; and that, if I had found a Russian
princess, I had better marry her without delay. I replied that I had
not, as yet, found one, unless it was the daughter of a poor Greek
Colonel; that she was seriously in love, not with me, but with another;
that I could by paying her a little attention become her confidant, but
that I should never become her husband. Moreover, my health was good and
my herbarium magnificent. My researches, hitherto restricted to the
suburbs of Athens, would now become more extended. Safety was assured,
the brigands had been beaten by the soldiers, and all the journals
announced the dispersion of Hadgi-Stavros' band. A month or two later, I
should be able to set out for Germany, and find a place which would pay
enough to support the whole family.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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