The Knickerbocker, Vol. 22, No. 1, July 1843Various
General
The Knickerbocker, Vol. 22, No. 1, July 1843
Various
Periodicals
With his teeth hard set, his
eyes flashing fire, his long hair streaming in the wind, his step
rapid, yet tottering and irregular, and with an expression of bitter
anger mingled with intense mental anguish on every line of his
face, he bent his steps toward his own house. It was a bright day,
and the warm sunshine was sleeping on roof and wall; on cellar and
house-top, warming many a sad heart; lighting up many a heavy eye,
and calling forth all that is happy and joyous in earth and man.
Strange was it! that under such a sky, with such a glad world about
him, an old man, hanging over the grave, should dare to utter curses
and imprecations against his fellow man. Yet such was the tenor of
his words:
'Curses on them! curses on them!' muttered he; 'the false ones!
When I was striving like a very beast of burden, yielding body and
soul to torments, for her sake, to play me false! It was bitter,
but it was human. Whenever troubles thicken about a man; when he
is blighted and crushed to the earth; when his heart is bruised
and bleeding, and yearns for the love and sympathy of those about
him; when a mild word, a kind look, are of more worth than gold or
jewels, _then_ friends drop off. Suffering and trouble drive off
friends, like a pestilence. I was in drivelling dotage, to think
that _she_ would be aught else than the rest of them. What though I
did give her life, and fondle her on my knee in infancy; and hang
over her when she slept; and pray, come what might to me, that she
might be happy? What though I did cherish and protect her, and love
her, when this old heart was warped against all the rest of the
world, until every fibre of it was entwined with hers; until every
thought was for her; and how I should plot, and plan, and contrive
to preserve the accumulations of a hard life, so that when the earth
covered me, she might live luxuriously, and think kindly of me?
What though I did all this? I became in her way; for I had gold,
and she wanted it! That's it! Oh! what a fool I was,' continued he,
bitterly, 'to imagine that she would prove true, when all others
have proved false; and that gratitude would bind her to me, so that
when I should become decrepid, and so that I could not totter about,
but must mope out the remnant of my life, like a chained prisoner,
that she would be near me, with her bright face and cheerful voice;
and would cheer me up; and would tell me that I had watched over her
childhood; and that she loved me for it. Happy dreams they were!'
said he, mournfully; 'happy dreams! Ah, Kate! my own little child!
you should not have forgotten your old father; indeed you should
not. But no, no!' he added, checking himself, 'it could not have
been _her_; I'll not believe it. It was not her--poor child; she
never did harm in her life. She was always good tempered, and kind,
and patient. I have tried her patience sadly. As my faculties desert
me, and my mind becomes feebler, I grow more and more peevish, and
I want her more and more.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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