The Lady of the Barge and Others, Entire CollectionJacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
General
The Lady of the Barge and Others, Entire Collection
Jacobs, W. W. (William Wymark)
England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; River life -- Fiction
“George Kettle snatches up ’is gun and shouts out to ’is men to come
along. Some of ’em was for ’anging back at first, some because they
didn’t like the tiger and some because they didn’t like Bob Pretty, but
John Biggs drove ’em in front of ’im like a flock o’ sheep and then
they gave a cheer and ran after George Kettle, full pelt up the road.
“A few wimmen and children was at their doors as they passed, but they
took fright and went indoors screaming. There was a lamp in Bob
Pretty’s front room, but the door was closed and the ’ouse was silent
as the grave.
“George Kettle and the men with the guns went first, then came the
pitchforks, and last of all the scythes. Just as George Kettle put ’is
’and on the door he ’eard something moving inside, and the next moment
the door opened and there stood Bob Pretty.
“‘What the dickens!’ ’e ses, starting back as ’e see the guns and
pitchforks pointing at ’im.
“‘’Ave you killed it, Bob?’ ses George Kettle.
“‘Killed _wot?_’ ses Bob Pretty. ‘Be careful o’ them guns. Take your
fingers off the triggers.’
“‘The tiger’s in your ’ouse, Bob,’ ses George Kettle, in a whisper.
‘’Ave you on’y just come in?’
“‘Look ’ere,’ ses Bob Pretty. ‘I don’t want any o’ your games. You go
and play ’em somewhere else.’
“‘It ain’t a game,’ ses John Biggs; ‘the tiger’s in your ’ouse and
we’re going to kill it. Now, then, lads.’
“They all went in in a ’eap, pushing Bob Pretty in front of ’em, till
the room was full. Only one man with a scythe got in, and they wouldn’t
’ave let ’im in if they’d known. It a’most made ’em forget the tiger
for the time.
“George Kettle opened the door wot led into the kitchen, and then ’e
sprang back with such a shout that the man with the scythe tried to
escape, taking Henery Walker along with ’im. George Kettle tried to
speak, but couldn’t. All ’e could do was to point with ’is finger at
Bob Pretty’s kitchen—_and Bob Pretty’s kitchen was for all the world
like a pork-butcher’s shop_. There was joints o’ pork ’anging from the
ceiling, two brine tubs as full as they could be, and quite a string of
fowls and ducks all ready for market.
“‘Wot d’ye mean by coming into my ’ouse?’ ses Bob Pretty, blustering.
‘If you don’t clear out pretty quick, I’ll make you.’
“Nobody answered ’im; they was all examining ’ands o’ pork and fowls
and such-like.
“‘There’s the tiger,’ ses Henery Walker, pointing at Bob Pretty;
‘that’s wot old man Parsley meant.’
“‘Somebody go and fetch Policeman White,’ ses a voice.
“‘I wish they would,’ ses Bob Pretty. ‘I’ll ’ave the law on you all for
breaking into my ’ouse like this, see if I don’t.’
“‘Where’d you get all this pork from?’ ses the blacksmith.
“‘And them ducks and hins?’ ses George Kettle.
“‘That’s my bisness,’ ses Bob Pretty, staring ’em full in the face. ‘I
just ’ad a excellent oppertunity offered me of going into the pork and
poultry line and I took it. Now, all them as doesn’t want to buy any
pork or fowls go out o’ my house.’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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