The Lame Lover: A Comedy in Three Acts — John Shaqi
The Lame Lover: A Comedy in Three ActsFoote, Samuel
General
The Lame Lover: A Comedy in Three Acts
Foote, Samuel
Comedy plays; English drama -- 18th century
The ballot must be over by this time. Sure there is nothing so dreadful
as a state of suspence: but should they black ball me!--No, there's
no danger of that; miss Mattadore has insur'd me success.--Well,
this is certainly one of the most useful institutions; it positively
supplies the only point of time one does not know how to employ.
From twelve, the hour of one's rising, to dinner, is a most horrible
chasm; for though teizing the mercers and milliners by tumbling their
wares, is now and then an entertaining amusement, yet upon repetition
it palls.--But every morning to be sure of a party, and then again at
night after a rout, to have a place to retire to; to be quite freed
from all pain of providing; not to be pester'd at table with the odious
company of clients, and country cousins; for I am determin'd to dine,
and sup at the club, every day. I can tell 'em, they'll have but very
few forfeits from me.
_Enter_ BETTY, _in haste, with a Letter_.
BETTY.
By a chairman, Madam, from the Thatch'd House.
Mrs. CIRCUIT.
Give it me, Betty, this instant;--ay--this is Mattadore's hand. [_opens
and reads the letter._] "My dear Circuit--it is with the utmost
concern, and confusion, I find myself oblig'd to acquaint you, that
notwithstanding all the pains I have taken, the club have thought fit
to reject."--Oh! [_She faints._]
BETTY.
Bless my soul! my lady is gone!--John! Will! Kitty! run hither this
instant.--
_Enter two_ MAIDS _and a Man_ SERVANT.
ALL.
What, what's the matter?
BETTY.
Quick! quick! some hartshorn and water [_pats her hand._] Madam!
madam--
SERVANT.
Here! here! here! [_bringing water._]
BETTY.
John, go for the _potter-carrier_ this instant--I _believes_ to my soul
she is dead--Kitty, fetch some feathers to burn under her nose;--there,
stand further off, and give her some air--
_Enter Sir_ LUKE.
Sir LUKE.
Hey day! what the deuce is the matter? what's the meaning of all this,
Mrs. Betty?
BETTY.
Oh! Sir, is it you--my poor lady! [_cries_] clap the bottle hard to her
nose.
Sir LUKE.
But how came it about?
BETTY.
Some of the _continents_ of that curs'd letter, she has there in her
hand.
Sir LUKE.
Here, here, take some of my eau de luce. [_offering a bottle._]
BETTY.
There! she recovers a little--some water--I believe it is nothing but
a _satirical_ fit, I have had them myself--now she opens her eyes--so,
so--bend her forward a little.
Sir LUKE.
My sweet Mrs. Circuit.
Mrs. CIRCUIT.
Who is that?
BETTY.
Nobody at all madam, but only Sir Luke.
Mrs. CIRCUIT.
Oh! Sir Luke, such a stroke, so fatal, so sudden, it is not in nature I
should ever survive it.
Sir LUKE.
Marry heaven forbid! but what cause--what could--
Mrs. CIRCUIT.
Leave the room. [_To the servants, who go out._] Only, look over that
letter.
Sir LUKE.
Hum, hum,--[_reads_] "fit to reject you--this--"
Mrs. CIRCUIT.
There! there! there!
Sir LUKE.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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