Moira Kelvin was thirty years old, in full bloom, trusting nothing under
the sun but her own heart. Whether it was mania or the excellence of
her evolution, her conviction remained upstanding that there was one man
somewhere who could fully awaken her. She was without laws and without
fears, but she would have considered it the most vulgar form of failure
to give herself to a man who called her only in part. She was in the
height of her power, and modern enough to wish to know a man well before
she revealed to him more than the usual arts of woman. Her one great
mistake had been made at the end of girlhood in the case of the
tiger-hunter. She held her body and her beauty even more sacred now
because of that failure. Yet she looked into the faces of men
everywhere. Any man brave enough could have his chance. Romney made
the most of his.
For hours on their last day together Romney could not speak. He looked
long into her face from time to time—until it turned into a mist before
his eyes, or other shadowy faces passed before it. He could see nothing
beyond her but his own death, and he knew enough to realise there could
not be much help in that, considering his present frame of mind.... They
were at Longstruth’s, a sultry evening. She was tender and tyrannical in
turn.
"... We are not enemies," she said. "I have been no more to you than
you have called. I know you are not holding that ancient balderdash that
I lured you on. I have never from the first day kept from you my
conviction that the one had not been found in Sir Romney. And yet you
were more to me than I thought at first. Why not take the full honour
of that now?"
"You are going away," he said dully.
"It is a mercy to you—though I am not merciful. If you were a fool,
like most men, you would think me a devil."
"I suppose men who are not big enough to make good with a woman—call her
a devil—"
"Or a vampire," she laughed.
He shook his head. He had lost his sense of humour for the time. "I’m
not making any mistake about you. I’ve been away about world matters
like most men. The women we meet usually call us to be less than we
are, rather than more—"
"Men have made women that way," she said quickly.
"The way doesn’t matter. That’s what happens, or at least men think so,
and fail to get on the ground where even an average woman is at her
best.... But it’s not generalities for me. I perceived myself lost in
you. I loved from the first the great open nature which you drew
from—mates in everything, your whole creativeness lost in the one
subject—your whole power and reason for being—love. When I came to you
I seemed to come into my own country.... I did not seek you. I was
happy enough in the old. I looked bleak and blind to myself before your
coming. Oh, I praise you right enough—only it’s hard, damned hard, to
give up—"
"You will be tremendous for some woman," she whispered. "Let me tell
you—there was one day when I rocked before you—"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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