Days folded into each other, and something from the unearthly gleam of
the desert edges entered his soul. His mind moved slowly. Sometimes he
wondered if the old quick thinking and sharp mental activity would ever
come back. At times he had no care regarding it, feeling that all
surface glibness had passed for good. His orders so far were only
arousing. He did not know as yet what he was to do in the Gobi, though
the intimations were of a most challenging kind. He had been furnished
with copies of manuscripts written in Chinese and in part in Sanscrit,
containing information regarding the desert, information that the world
at large would scoff at. He was advised concurrently to study these
papers. More and more he realised that in ways other than his
linguistic prowess he was fitted for the journey at hand.
He thought much of Moira Kelvin and Nifton Bend. One night by the
desert fire, with Bamban sitting expectantly near, the salient events of
the year moved by in steady, and for the first time, ordered procession,
beginning with his first glance at the yellow rug on the little river
steamer _Sungkiang_—that whirlwind fortnight. For a month or so he had
been close to death—he saw this clearly now—her laugh the note of his
delirium, her kiss the heat of his fever. After that, a kind of low
animal hate which had to burn out before decency and sense came.
He was cool now. The night was winter clear. He would never have been
able to see her so largely and definedly as now, had she taken him. She
had become a kind of institution, but impersonal. His present run of
thoughts was not without a touch of chivalry. He saw that there are very
few really exciting vampires among the love-women; that no man strikes
fire with a superb woman’s genius without enduring benefits. If a man
figures out the cost in dollars for such an adventure he’s not a lover
of quality. If a man’s career in the world is slowed somewhat, it’s an
easy price to pay for being privileged to enter even for a little time
the domain of a passionate woman’s genius. The yellow-rug woman was his
initiation. The fact that he had glimpsed a devil in her too much for a
boy to subdue, no longer prevented him from seeing that the fault was
his own weakness and that her devil was in no way smug. He had well put
away the cheap male diversion of hating all women, because he had met
one too great to hide herself in him. He did not want Moira Kelvin
back, but his heart was strangely expectant of meeting some one of her
quality, some glory akin to hers, but nearer his own full comprehension.
Because he did encounter something of this kind, he is present on these
pages. The rest—the strangeness, the peril, the desert itself, is mere
setting and arrangement.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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