Letters -- Fiction; Postal service -- Fiction; Science fiction; Short stories
_Do not be frightened of me, Jane. I am no caveman except for my
hair. I am not insane. I am emotionally disturbed, but in a way
that no machine has ever described to me. I want only your
happiness._
_Sincerely_,
_Richard Rowe_
Krumbine slumped back in his chair, which braced itself manfully
against him, and looked long and thoughtfully at Potshelter. "Well, if
that's a code, it's certainly a fiendishly subtle one. You'd think he
was talking to his Girl Next Door."
Potshelter nodded wonderingly. "I only read as far as where they were
planning to blow up Grand Central Spaceport and all the guides in it."
"Judas Priest, I think I have it!" Krumbine shot up. "It's a pilot
advertisement--Boy Next Door or--that kind of thing--printed to look
like hand-writtening, which would make all the difference. And the
pilot copy got mailed by accident--which would mean there is no real
Richard Rowe."
At that instant, the door dilated and two blue detective engines
hustled a struggling young man into the office. He was slim, rather
handsome, had a bushy head of hair that had somehow survived evolution
and radioactive fallout, and across the chest and back of his paper
singlet was neatly stamped: "RICHARD ROWE."
When he saw the two men, he stopped struggling and straightened up.
"Excuse me, gentlemen," he said, "but these police machines must have
made a mistake. I've committed no crime."
Then his gaze fell on the hand-addressed envelope on Krumbine's desk
and he turned pale.
* * * * *
Krumbine laughed harshly. "No crime! No, not at all. Merely using the
mails to communicate. Ha!"
The young man shrank back. "I'm sorry, sir."
"Sorry, he says! Do you realize that your insane prank has resulted
in the destruction of perhaps a half-billion pieces of first-class
advertising?--in the strangulation of a postal station and the
paralysis of Lower Manhattan?--in the mobilization of SBI reserves, the
de-mothballing of two divisions of G. I. machines and the redeployment
of the Solar Battle Fleet? Good Lord, boy, why did you do it?"
Richard Rowe continued to shrink but he squared his shoulders. "I'm
sorry, sir, but I just had to. I just had to get in touch with Jane
Dough."
"A girl from another hive? A girl you'd merely gazed at because a guide
happened to blow a fuse?" Krumbine stood up, shaking an angry finger.
"Great Scott, boy, where was Your Girl Next Door?"
Richard Rowe stared bravely at the finger, which made him look a trifle
cross-eyed. "She died, sir, both of them."
"But there should be at least six."
"I know, sir, but of the other four, two have been shipped to the
Adirondacks on vacation and two recently got married and haven't been
replaced."
Potshelter, a faraway look in his eyes, said softly, "I think I'm
beginning to understand--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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