The Last Million: How They Invaded France—and EnglandHay, Ian
Philosophy
The Last Million: How They Invaded France—and England
Hay, Ian
World War, 1914-1918 -- United States
“The match was to be ten rounds of two minutes each. There was five
dollars donated by an officer for the winner, and some powerful
side-bets. But it was all over in one round. Eddie started by rushing in
and giving the Turk a silly little tap on the nose. That seemed to get
the Turk’s goat, for he went for Eddie like a cyclone, and rushed him
all around the ring for maybe a minute. At the end of that he gave him a
blow on the body that laid him flat on the deck. We all thought Eddie was
gone for sure. The time-keeper had counted up to five before he come to
life at all. Then he began to recover, very slow. At ‘seven’ he rolled
over on his face. The Turk, reckoning that Eddie was too dopy to go on
any more, just straddled around in the middle of the ring, looking up to
the deck above for the officer that was donating the five bucks. But at
‘nine’ Eddie was on his feet again, like a streak. No one hardly saw him
get up. All they did see was Eddie _soak_ the Turk under the point of the
jaw—which was well up in the air at the time. Coca-Kola fairly knocked a
groan out of the deck when he struck it. It took them two hours to bring
him round. Gee, but it was some soak! Some of the Machine Gun boys cut
open Eddie’s glove after, because they suspicioned he might have a chunk
of lead there. But there weren’t nothing there. No, _sir_! Nothing but
Eddie’s little old punch!”
We are presented both to the victorious Eddie and the dethroned
masticator of raw meat. The latter is inclined to be taciturn; but the
former, true to national use and custom, is quite ready to be interviewed.
Yes, this is his first trip across, but he is not seasick, and does not
expect to be. Reason; he has spent twelve years on the Great Lakes, and
a man that can stand the up-and-down convulsions of, say, Lake Michigan
during a winter storm, need not fear the spacious roll of the Atlantic.
“There’s a ten-thousand-ton ship has went down there before now,” says
Eddie, referring apparently to Lake Michigan, “just because them twisty
seas has sheered the heads clean off her bolts and opened her up. Kinder
ripped her, I guess. Every October owners raises the pay of all hands on
them ships fifteen per cent—raises it voluntary.”
“Why?”
“Because the whole bunch would quit if they didn’t!”
This does not sound like a very convincing example of the voluntary
system; but the great are permitted to be inconsistent. Mr. Gillette,
proceeding, considers that life on board this ship is tolerable, but
the food monotonous. Another gentleman, chewing tobacco, now joins the
symposium. He is introduced as Joe McCarthy, of Oklahoma.
“You said it!” he announces, referring apparently to the food question.
“Especially the coffee. The stuff they serve on board this packet ain’t
got no kick to it.”
He is reminded that he has passed out of the coffee belt, and that he is
approaching a land of tea-drinkers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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