"What I meant ... mebby 't would be easier for us if you played like
you was friends. Then she mightn't suspect."
She rolled her saddle to its side and spread the blanket over it.
"No. I can't do things that-a way, Alf,"--with a slow shake of her
head. "Mebby 't would get us more ... but there's somethin' in me, in
here,"--a palm to her breast--"that won't let me. I can steal her blind
an' only be glad about it, but I couldn't make up like I was her friend
while I done it."
"Mebby ... mebby you would sure enough like her," he persisted. "You
ain't never had no friends--"
"I'd never like her, not while we're this way,"--with a gesture to
include the litter about the cabin. "She's got all that I want. She's
had all the things I've never had. She's got clothes, lots of pretty
clothes; she's lived in towns an's always had things easy. She's got
friends and folks to respect her. You can tell that by lookin' at
her....
"What makes me that way, Alf? What makes me hate folks that have got
the things I want?"
He pulled on his mustache again and scanned the scarlet sky which rose
above the purple heights to the westward. He shook his head rather
helplessly and then looked at the girl who stood before him, the
eagerness of her query showing in her eyes with an intensity that was
almost desperate.
"Mebby you get it from me. I've had it ... always. That's all I have
had ... that an' hard luck."
"But I don't like it!" she said and in the tone was something of the
spirit of a bewildered little girl. "I'd like to be like other girls.
I'd like to have friends ... girl friends, but the more I want 'em, the
more I hate those that have 'em!
"What's the matter with me, Alf?"
"The same thing that's the matter with me, daughter: hard luck. I've
wanted things so bad that not hevin' 'em has soured me. I've watched
other outfits grow big an' rich an' nothin' like that has ever come my
way. The bigger the rest got, the harder 't was for me to get along ...
an' the worse I hated 'em!"
There was no iron in his voice; just the whine of a weakling,
dispirited to a point where his resentment at ill fortune, even, was a
passive thing.
"Why, she's got a fine house to live in, an' I'll bet she always had.
She's never knowed what it was to set out a norther in a wagon. She's
never lived on buckskin an' frozen spuds all winter. She's never been
chased from one place to another....
"Folks respect her for what she's got. Why don't folks get respected
for just what they are?"
There was pathos in that query.
The man answered:
"It ain't what you are that matters, daughter. It's what you own."
"You've always said that, ever since I can remember. Mebby if you
hadn't said it so much, Alf, I wouldn't feel like I do."
He shifted his footing uneasily and looked again at the flaring sky.
"Well, it's so," he whined. "You'd have found it out yourself. I've
brung you up the best I knowed how."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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