"And vainly now, for words of thanks am seeking, "I'll cut it short, and with your kind permission, "Seek in my chair an easier position." Round goes the wine, full many a toast goes down, To Queen and Country, Albert, Church and Crown. Some worthy Dons, wine-warm'd, propose the Bar; The Bar, the Dons, and swear the gems they are Of Oxford's glory. They, good easy men, Can't twig the joke, nor legal satire stem; And is it so? for half their mouldering lives They sweat their Fellowships, then marry wives; Or when in College, they have topp'd the tree,[3] They drone and doze in dull solemnity. After this long digression we must try Back to our Sheriff! What's this? Oh, my eye! He's fast asleep, bad luck; in vain, in vain, Old Ashurst[4] kicks, and kicks his shins again; The Doctor roars[5] and Waterferry's chief,[6] Thinks of some mode, to gain the wish'd relief. Nought will avail! at last cries Fane, "Here goes, Give us a cork, we'll black our sheriff's nose."[7] [1] The "Star" sheriff's dinners, _teste_ the author, were miserable. But as _per contra_ to his bad dinners, the author must record Mr. Griffith's conduct towards the "Cause" in the election, A.D. 1862. Colonel Fane won't forget it, nor the author. He placed his "Star," all his horses, men, and carriages at the Colonel's service, free gratis. [2] John Fane of Wormesly, late M.P. for Oxfordshire, father of the Colonel, now M.P. for Oxfordshire--known as honest John Fane, Master of Harriers, and "king of the most celebrated and successful Wormesly Tournament." [3] The author begs to say that this expression must be taken metaphorically. The worthy heads of the different Colleges would be doubtless unable, from the expanse of waistcoat, to "top a tree," nor would their sense of dignity allow it, if they could. He must except the most Rev. the Prases of St. John's College, both from the tree and dozing business; he is without dispute an honour to our College, our University, and our County, [4] Late M.P. for Oxfordshire. _Vide_ his portrait in the County Hall. [5] His brother, late Fellow of All Souls, Oxford. [6] The Right Honourable J. W. Henley, M.P., &c. senior member for Oxfordshire; and long may he so continue. [7] The author not having been present at this dinner cannot be responsible for the concluding scene. He can only say that from his personal knowledge of the parties, he thinks it might most likely have occurred. PART III. Vitæ me redde priori."--HORACE, _Epist._ Lib. 1. 7, 95.