The Lazy Tour of Two Idle ApprenticesDickens, Charles
General
The Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices
Dickens, Charles
Apprentices -- Fiction; Cumbria (England) -- Description and travel -- Fiction; Walking -- England -- Cumbria -- Fiction
‘Judge, then,’ returned Francis, adopting the style of the story-book,
‘with what success. I go to a region which is a bit of water-side
Bristol, with a slice of Wapping, a seasoning of Wolverhampton, and a
garnish of Portsmouth, and I say, “Will _you_ come and be idle with me?”
And it answers, “No; for I am a great deal too vaporous, and a great deal
too rusty, and a great deal too muddy, and a great deal too dirty
altogether; and I have ships to load, and pitch and tar to boil, and iron
to hammer, and steam to get up, and smoke to make, and stone to quarry,
and fifty other disagreeable things to do, and I can’t be idle with you.”
Then I go into jagged up-hill and down-hill streets, where I am in the
pastrycook’s shop at one moment, and next moment in savage fastnesses of
moor and morass, beyond the confines of civilisation, and I say to those
murky and black-dusty streets, “Will _you_ come and be idle with me?” To
which they reply, “No, we can’t, indeed, for we haven’t the spirits, and
we are startled by the echo of your feet on the sharp pavement, and we
have so many goods in our shop-windows which nobody wants, and we have so
much to do for a limited public which never comes to us to be done for,
that we are altogether out of sorts and can’t enjoy ourselves with any
one.” So I go to the Post-office, and knock at the shutter, and I say to
the Post-master, “Will _you_ come and be idle with me?” To which he
rejoins, “No, I really can’t, for I live, as you may see, in such a very
little Post-office, and pass my life behind such a very little shutter,
that my hand, when I put it out, is as the hand of a giant crammed
through the window of a dwarf’s house at a fair, and I am a mere
Post-office anchorite in a cell much too small for him, and I can’t get
out, and I can’t get in, and I have no space to be idle in, even if I
would.” So, the boy,’ said Mr. Goodchild, concluding the tale, ‘comes
back with the letters after all, and lives happy never afterwards.’
But it may, not unreasonably, be asked—while Francis Goodchild was
wandering hither and thither, storing his mind with perpetual observation
of men and things, and sincerely believing himself to be the laziest
creature in existence all the time—how did Thomas Idle, crippled and
confined to the house, contrive to get through the hours of the day?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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