The Lazy Tour of Two Idle ApprenticesDickens, Charles
General
The Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices
Dickens, Charles
Apprentices -- Fiction; Cumbria (England) -- Description and travel -- Fiction; Walking -- England -- Cumbria -- Fiction
Saturday. Mr. Idle wishes to know at breakfast, what were those dreadful
groanings in his bedroom doorway in the night? Mr. Goodchild answers,
Nightmare. Mr. Idle repels the calumny, and calls the waiter. The Angel
is very sorry—had intended to explain; but you see, gentlemen, there was
a gentleman dined down-stairs with two more, and he had lost a deal of
money, and he would drink a deal of wine, and in the night he ‘took the
horrors,’ and got up; and as his friends could do nothing with him he
laid himself down and groaned at Mr. Idle’s door. ‘And he DID groan
there,’ Mr. Idle says; ‘and you will please to imagine me inside, “taking
the horrors” too!’
* * * * *
So far, the picture of Doncaster on the occasion of its great sporting
anniversary, offers probably a general representation of the social
condition of the town, in the past as well as in the present time. The
sole local phenomenon of the current year, which may be considered as
entirely unprecedented in its way, and which certainly claims, on that
account, some slight share of notice, consists in the actual existence of
one remarkable individual, who is sojourning in Doncaster, and who,
neither directly nor indirectly, has anything at all to do, in any
capacity whatever, with the racing amusements of the week. Ranging
throughout the entire crowd that fills the town, and including the
inhabitants as well as the visitors, nobody is to be found altogether
disconnected with the business of the day, excepting this one
unparalleled man. He does not bet on the races, like the sporting men.
He does not assist the races, like the jockeys, starters, judges, and
grooms. He does not look on at the races, like Mr. Goodchild and his
fellow-spectators. He does not profit by the races, like the
hotel-keepers and the tradespeople. He does not minister to the
necessities of the races, like the booth-keepers, the postilions, the
waiters, and the hawkers of Lists. He does not assist the attractions of
the races, like the actors at the theatre, the riders at the circus, or
the posturers at the Poses Plastiques. Absolutely and literally, he is
the only individual in Doncaster who stands by the brink of the
full-flowing race-stream, and is not swept away by it in common with all
the rest of his species. Who is this modern hermit, this recluse of the
St. Leger-week, this inscrutably ungregarious being, who lives apart from
the amusements and activities of his fellow-creatures? Surely, there is
little difficulty in guessing that clearest and easiest of all riddles.
Who could he be, but Mr. Thomas Idle?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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