The Life and Death of Doctor Faustus Made into a FarceMarlowe, Christopher
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The Life and Death of Doctor Faustus Made into a Farce
Marlowe, Christopher
Faust, -approximately 1540 -- Drama
_Cov._ I was first an Exciseman, and cheated the King and Country; then
I was a Baker, and from every Neighbor's Loaf I stole Two Pound, and
swore 'twas shrunk in the Oven. I was a Vintner, and by bribing of
Quest-men had leave to sell in Pint Bottles for Quarts: At last I was a
Horse-courser, made _Smithfield_ too hot to hold me, and rid Post to the
Devil? Give me some Gold, Father? [_Exit._
_Enter_ Envy.
_Fau._ What art thou the Third?
_Env._ I am _Envy_; begot by a Chimny-sweeper upon an Oyster-wench. I
cannot read, and wish all Books burnt. I always curst the Government
that I was not prefer'd; and was a Male-content in Three Kings Reigns. I
am Lean with seeing others Eat; and I wish the Devil would make a Sponge
of thy Heart, to wipe out the Score of my Sins.
_Enter_ Wrath.
_Fau._ Out, Envious Wretch. What art thou the Fourth?
_Wra._ I am _Wrath_; I had neither Father nor Mother, but leap'd out of
a Lion's Mouth when I was scarce an Hour old. I always abhor'd the Art
of Patience, and curst all Fisher-men. I beat my Wife for my Pleasure;
curst Heav'n in my Passion, 'cause it gave me no Fortune, and was hang'd
for a Rape on a _Scotch_ Pedlar. [_Exit._
_Enter_ Gluttony.
_Fau._ What art thou the Fifth?
_Glut._ I am _Gluttony_; begot by a Plow-man on a Washer-woman, who
devour'd a _Chedder_ Cheese in two Hours. I am of a Royal Pedigree: My
Grand-father was a Sur-loin of Beef, and my Mother a Gammon of Bacon: My
Sisters were Sows, which supply'd me with Pork: My Brothers were Calves,
which afforded me Veal: My God-fathers were _Peter_ Pickled-Herring, and
_Michael_ Milk-Porredg: My God-mothers were _Susan_ Salt-butter, and
_Margery_ Sous'd-Hog's-Face. Now, _Faustus_, thou hast heard my
Pedigree, wilt thou invite me to Supper?
_Fau._ Not I.
_Glut._ Then the Devil choak thee.
_Enter_ Sloth.
_Fau._ What art thou the Sixth?
_Slo._ Hey ho! I am _Sloth_; I was begotten at Church by a sleepy Judg
on a Costermonger's Wife, in the middle of a long Sermon. I am as Lazy
as a Fishmonger in the Dog-days, or a Parson in _Lent_: I would not
speak another Word for a King's Ransom.
_Enter_ Leachery.
_Fau._ And what are you, Mr. _Minks_, the Seventh and last?
_Leach._ I am one that love an Inch of Raw Mutton better than an Ell of
Fry'd Stock-fish, and the first Letter of my Name begins with
_Leachery_. [_Exit._
_Fau._ This Sight delights my Soul.
_Luc._ _Faustus_ in Hell are all manner of Delights.
_Fau._ O might I see Hell once, and return safe.
_Luc.__ Faustus_, thou shalt; give me thy hand. Hence let's descend, and
we will _Faustus_ show The mighty Pleasures in the World below.
[_Vanishes._
SCENE _Changes_.
_Enter_ Harlequin, _and_ Scaramouche _in the Doctor's Gown; a Wand, and
a Circle_.
_Scar._ So, now am I in my _Pontificalibus_: Now can I shew my Black
Art; for I have found that heavenly Book which _Faustus_ used to raise
the Dead in: Come, stand within this Circle.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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