I am not such a bigot to _Slawkenbergius_ as my father;——there is a fund in him, no doubt: but in my opinion, the best, I don’t say the most profitable, but the most amusing part of _Hafen Slawkenbergius_, is his tales——and, considering he was a _German_, many of them told not without fancy:——these take up his second book, containing nearly one half of his folio, and are comprehended in ten decads, each decad containing ten tales——Philosophy is not built upon tales; and therefore ’twas certainly wrong in _Slawkenbergius_ to send them into the world by that name!——there are a few of them in his eighth, ninth, and tenth decads, which I own seem rather playful and sportive, than speculative—but in general they are to be looked upon by the learned as a detail of so many independent facts, all of them turning round somehow or other upon the main hinges of his subject, and added to his work as so many illustrations upon the doctrines of noses. As we have leisure enough upon our hands——if you give me leave, madam, I’ll tell you the ninth tale of his tenth decad. S L A W K E N B E R G I I F A B E L L A[8] _VESPERA quâdam frigidula, posteriori in parte mensis_ Augusti, _peregrinus, mulo fusco colore incidens, manticâ a tergo, paucis indusiis, binis calceis, braccisque sericis coccineis repleta_, Argentoratum _ingressus est._ _Militi eum percontanti, quum portus intraret dixit, se apud Nasorum promontorium fuisse, Francofurtum proficisci, et Argentoratum, transitu ad fines Sarmatiæ mensis intervallo, reversurum._ _Miles peregrini in faciem suspexit——Di boni, nova forma nasi!_ _At multum mihi profuit, inquit peregrinus, carpum amento extrahens, e quo pependit acinaces: Loculo manum inseruit; et magna cum urbanitate, pilei parte anteriore tactâ manu sinistrâ, ut extendit dextram, militi florinum dedit et processit._ _Dolet mihi, ait miles, tympanistam nanum et valgum alloquens, virum adeo urbanum vaginam perdidisse: itinerari haud poterit nudâ acinaci; neque vaginam toto_ Argentorato, _habilem inveniet.——Nullam unquam habui, respondit peregrinus respiciens——seque comiter inclinans—hoc more gesto, nudam acinacem elevans, mulo lentò progrediente, ut nasum tueri possim._ _Non immerito, benigne peregrine, respondit miles._ _Nihili aestimo, ait ille tympanista, e pergamenâ factitius est._ _Prout christianus sum, inquit miles, nasus ille, ni sexties major fit, meo esset conformis._ _Crepitare audivi ait tympanista._ _Mehercule! sanguinem emisit, respondit miles._ _Miseret me, inquit tympanista, qui non ambo tetigimus!_ _Eodem temporis puncto, quo hæc res argumentata fuit inter militem et tympanistam, disceptabatur ibidem tubicine et uxore suâ qui tunc accesserunt, et peregrino prætereunte, restiterunt._ _Quantus nasus! æque longus est, ait tubicina, ac tuba._ _Et ex eodem metallo, ait tubicen, velut sternutamento audias._ _Tantum abest, respondit illa, quod fistulam dulcedine vincit._ _Æneus est, ait tubicen._ _Nequaquam, respondit uxor._