My father had a favourite little mare, which he had consigned over to a
most beautiful Arabian horse, in order to have a pad out of her for his
own riding: he was sanguine in all his projects; so talked about his
pad every day with as absolute a security, as if it had been reared,
broke,—and bridled and saddled at his door ready for mounting. By some
neglect or other in _Obadiah_, it so fell out, that my father’s
expectations were answered with nothing better than a mule, and as ugly
a beast of the kind as ever was produced.
My mother and my uncle _Toby_ expected my father would be the death of
_Obadiah_—and that there never would be an end of the disaster——See
here! you rascal, cried my father, pointing to the mule, what you have
done!——It was not me, said _Obadiah._——How do I know that? replied my
father.
Triumph swam in my father’s eyes, at the repartee—the _Attic_ salt
brought water into them—and so _Obadiah_ heard no more about it.
Now let us go back to my brother’s death.
Philosophy has a fine saying for every thing.—For _Death_ it has an
entire set; the misery was, they all at once rushed into my father’s
head, that ’twas difficult to string them together, so as to make any
thing of a consistent show out of them.—He took them as they came.
“’Tis an inevitable chance—the first statute in _Magna Charta_—it is an
everlasting act of parliament, my dear brother,—_All must die._
“If my son could not have died, it had been matter of wonder,—not that
he is dead.
“Monarchs and princes dance in the same ring with us.
“—_To die_, is the great debt and tribute due unto nature: tombs and
monuments, which should perpetuate our memories, pay it themselves; and
the proudest pyramid of them all, which wealth and science have
erected, has lost its apex, and stands obtruncated in the traveller’s
horizon.” (My father found he got great ease, and went on)—“Kingdoms
and provinces, and towns and cities, have they not their periods? and
when those principles and powers, which at first cemented and put them
together, performed their several evolutions, they fall back.”—Brother
_Shandy_, said my uncle _Toby_, laying down his pipe at the word
_evolutions_—Revolutions, I meant, quoth my father,—by heaven! I meant
revolutions, brother _Toby_—evolutions is nonsense.——’Tis not
nonsense—said my uncle _Toby._——But is it not nonsense to break the
thread of such a discourse upon such an occasion? cried my father—do
not—dear _Toby_, continued he, taking him by the hand, do not—do not, I
beseech thee, interrupt me at this crisis.——My uncle _Toby_ put his
pipe into his mouth.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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