Brother _Toby_, replied my father, altering his tone, you care not what money you dissipate and throw away, provided, continued he, ’tis but upon a SIEGE. ----Have I not one hundred and twenty pounds a year, besides my half pay? cried my uncle _Toby_. --What is that--replied my father hastily--to ten pounds for a pair of jack-boots? --twelve guineas for your _pontoons?_ --half as much for your _Dutch_ draw-bridge? --to say nothing of the train of little brass artillery you bespoke last week, with twenty other preparations for the siege of _Messina_: believe me, dear brother _Toby_, continued my father, taking him kindly by the hand--these military operations of yours are above your strength; --you mean well, brother----but they carry you into greater expences than you were first aware of; --and take my word, dear _Toby_, they will in the end quite ruin your fortune, and make a beggar of you. --What signifies it if they do, brother, replied my uncle _Toby_, so long as we know ’tis for the good of the nation?---- My father could not help smiling for his soul--his anger at the worst was never more than a spark; --and the zeal and simplicity of _Trim_--and the generous (though hobby-horsical) gallantry of my uncle _Toby_, brought him into perfect good humour with them in an instant. Generous souls! --God prosper you both, and your mortar-pieces too! quoth my father to himself. CHAPTER XXIII All is quiet and hush, cried my father, at least above stairs --I hear not one foot stirring. --Prithee, _Trim_, who’s in the kitchen? There is no one soul in the kitchen, answered _Trim_, making a low bow as he spoke, except Dr. _Slop_. --Confusion! cried my father (getting up upon his legs a second time)--not one single thing was gone right this day! had I faith in astrology, brother (which, by the bye, my father had), I would have sworn some retrograde planet was hanging over this unfortunate house of mine, and turning every individual thing in it out of its place. ----Why, I thought Dr. _Slop_ had been above stairs with my wife, and so said you. ----What can the fellow be puzzling about in the kitchen! --He is busy, an’ please your honour, replied _Trim_, in making a bridge. ----’Tis very obliging in him, quoth my uncle _Toby_: ------pray, give my humble service to Dr. _Slop_, _Trim_, and tell him I thank him heartily.