_April 1, 1742._—“I seem to be declining, with respect to my life and warmth in divine things; have not had so free access to God in prayer to-day as usual of late. Oh that God would humble me deeply in the dust before him! I deserve hell every day, for not loving my Lord more, who has, I trust, “loved me and given himself for me and every time I am enabled to exercise any grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the God of all grace for special assistance. “Where then is boasting?” Surely “it is excluded,” when we think how we are dependent on God for the existence and every act of grace. O if ever I get to heaven, it will be because God pleases, and nothing else; for I never did any thing of myself but get away from God! My soul will be astonished at the unsearchable riches of divine grace when I arrive at the mansions which the blessed Savior is gone before to prepare. _April 2._—“In the afternoon I felt, in secret prayer, much resigned, calm and serene. What are all the storms of this lower world if _Jesus_, by his Spirit, does but come _walking on the seas_!—Sometime past I had much pleasure in the prospect of the Heathen being brought home to Christ, and desired that the Lord would employ _me_ in that work; but now my soul more frequently desires to die, _to be with Christ_. Oh that my soul were wrapt up in divine love, and my longing desires after God increased! In the evening was refreshed in prayer, with the hopes of the advancement of Christ’s kingdom in the world. _Lord’s day, April 4._—“My heart was wandering and lifeless. In the evening God gave me faith in prayer, made my soul melt in some measure, and gave me to taste a divine sweetness. O my blessed God! Let me climb up near to him, and love, and long, and plead, and wrestle, and stretch after him, and for deliverance from the body of sin and death. Alas! my soul mourned to think I should ever lose sight of its beloved again. “O come, Lord Jesus, Amen.” _April 6._—“I walked out this morning; had an affecting sense of my own vileness; and cried to God to cleanse me, to give me repentance and pardon. I then began to find it sweet to pray; and could think of undergoing the greatest sufferings in the cause of Christ, with pleasure; and found myself willing, if God should so order it, to suffer banishment from my native land, among the heathen, that I might do something for their salvation, in distresses and deaths of any kind. Then God gave me to wrestle earnestly for others, for the kingdom of Christ in the world, and for dear Christian friends.