Miss Hill, however, decided otherwise. In the watches of that first
night, after a long talk with her Mother (a talk that, in the nature of
the case, can scarcely have emphasized S. J.-B.’s point of view), before
she had even seen her friend, she resolved to forego even the semblance
of an attempt to reconcile these conflicting claims. Something must go,
and that something must not be the mother and sisters to whom she had
devoted most of her ardent young life, the mother and sisters who
depended on her wisdom and goodness more even than they knew.
It was one thing to make the great resolve: it was quite another to
explain it to the friend whose one conscious desire was to make Octa’s
life an easy one.
So she set her face like a flint, and, for the first time in the course
of their friendship, she refused to see S. J.-B.’s side of the question
at all. Peace must be secured at all costs, and, if peace was to be
secured, this delightful exacting friendship must end. S. J.-B. might
retain her rooms for the time as a matter of business—
But neither S. J.-B. nor her indignant Mother would listen to that.
Well, then, let it all go. The time for half measures—or so Miss Hill
thought—was over. All intercourse must cease. “The relentless knife must
cut sheer through.”
How much the effort cost her we gather from the extent to which she
overdid the part. She was at the end of her tether, so to speak, and
acting, doubtless, on an instinct of sheer self-preservation, she would
allow no discussion of any kind. She set her face so flintily that S.
J.-B. was driven in uttermost bewilderment to the conclusion that the
complete withdrawal was due to some extraordinary aberration on the part
of her friend—an aberration for which so noble a being could not be
responsible, and which might therefore come to an end as suddenly as it
had begun. A thousand times she had said to herself, “Everything will be
right when Octavia comes!” And now, behold, Octavia was here, and it was
no Octavia. It was a fairy changeling to whom the beautiful past was a
thing unknown. The rupture was so complete that it was no rupture. It
was a nightmare, an inexplicable darkness at noonday, something so
contrary to all known laws of nature that it could not last. This hope,
this attitude of expectancy, was encouraged by the extraordinarily
tender and appreciative letters which, at intervals for some years,
broke through Miss Hill’s reserve. In one of these letters, dated Nov.
5th, she writes:
“Oh, Sophy, how splendidly you and your Mother did act those last days
that now seem so far away.... When I see how deep your forethought
was, so loving as to have remembered the very slightest things that
might be the least trouble to us when you were no longer near to take
care of us, one feels as if an angel had (may I not say still is
taking) care of us.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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