The Life of the PartyCobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
General
The Life of the Party
Cobb, Irvin S. (Irvin Shrewsbury)
Costume -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Lawyers -- Fiction; New York (N.Y.) -- Fiction
By reaching awkwardly up and over his shoulder Mr. Leary managed to tug
the topmost button of his array of buttons out of its attendant
buttonholes, but below and beyond that point he could not progress. He
twisted and contorted his body; he stretched his arms in their sockets
until twin pangs of agony met and crossed between his shoulder blades,
and with his two exploring hands he pulled and fumbled and pawed and
wrenched and wrested, to make further headway at his task. But the
sewing-on had been done with stout thread; the buttonholes were taut and
snug and well made. Those slippery flat surfaces amply resisted him.
They eluded him; defied him; outmastered him. Thanks be to, or curses be
upon, the passionate zeal of Miss Rowena Skiff for exactitudes, he,
lacking the offices of an assistant undresser, was now as definitely and
finally inclosed in this distressful pink garment as though it had been
his own skin. Speedily he recognised this fact in all its bitter and
abominable truth, but mechanically, he continued to wrestle with the
obdurate fastenings.
While he thus vainly contended, events in which he directly was
concerned were occurring beneath that roof. From within his refuge he
heard the sounds of slamming doors, of hurrying footsteps, of excited
voices merging into a distracted chorus; but above all else, and from
the rest, two of these voices stood out by reason of their augmented
shrillness, and Mr. Leary marked them both, for since he had just heard
them he therefore might identify their respective unseen owners.
"There's something--there's somebody in the house!" At the top of its
register one voice was repeating the warning over and over again, and
judging by direction this alarmist was shrieking her words through a
keyhole on the floor below him. "I saw it--him--whatever it was. I
opened my door to look out in the hall and it--he--was right there. Oh,
I could have touched him! And then it ran and I didn't see him any more
and I slammed the door and began screaming."
"You seen what?"
The strident question seemed to come from far below, down in the depths
of the house, where the caretaker abided.
"Whatever it was. I opened the door and he was right in the hall there
glaring at me. I could have touched it. And then he ran and I----"
"What was he like? I ast what was he like--it's that I'm astin' you!"
The janitress was the one who pressed for an answer.
For the moment the question, pointed though it was, went unanswered. The
main speaker--shrieker, rather--was plainly a person with a mania for
details, and even in this emergency she intended, as now developed, to
present all the principal facts in the case, and likewise all the
incidental facts so far as these fell within her scope of knowledge.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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