The shadow passed from between us, and was no longer the object nearest
to me. The girl whose light fingers grasped me, whose elfish charming
face looked into mine--who, I thought, was betraying an interest in my
feelings that she would not have directly avowed,--this warm breathing
presence again possessed my senses and imagination like a returning
siren melody which had been overpowered for an instant by the roar of
threatening waves. It was a moment as delicious to me as the waking
up to a consciousness of youth after a dream of middle age. I forgot
everything but my passion, and said with swimming eyes--
"Bertha, shall you love me when we are first married? I wouldn't mind
if you really loved me only for a little while."
Her look of astonishment, as she loosed my hand and started away from
me, recalled me to a sense of my strange, my criminal indiscretion.
"Forgive me," I said, hurriedly, as soon as I could speak again; "I did
not know what I was saying."
"Ah, Tasso's mad fit has come on, I see," she answered quietly, for she
had recovered herself sooner than I had. "Let him go home and keep his
head cool. I must go in, for the sun is setting."
I left her--full of indignation against myself. I had let slip words
which, if she reflected on them, might rouse in her a suspicion of my
abnormal mental condition--a suspicion which of all things I dreaded.
And besides that, I was ashamed of the apparent baseness I had
committed in uttering them to my brother's betrothed wife. I wandered
home slowly, entering our park through a private gate instead of by
the lodges. As I approached the house, I saw a man dashing off at full
speed from the stable-yard across the park. Had any accident happened
at home? No; perhaps it was only one of my father's peremptory business
errands that required this headlong haste.
Nevertheless I quickened my pace without any distinct motive, and was
soon at the house. I will not dwell on the scene I found there. My
brother was dead--had been pitched from his horse, and killed on the
spot by a concussion of the brain.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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