I fancy my father thought me an odd child, and had little fondness for
me; though he was very careful in fulfilling what he regarded as a
parent's duties. But he was already past the middle of life, and I was
not his only son. My mother had been his second wife, and he was five-
and-forty when he married her. He was a firm, unbending, intensely
orderly man, in root and stem a banker, but with a flourishing graft
of the active landholder, aspiring to county influence: one of those
people who are always like themselves from day to day, who are
uninfluenced by the weather, and neither know melancholy nor high
spirits. I held him in great awe, and appeared more timid and sensitive
in his presence than at other times; a circumstance which, perhaps,
helped to confirm him in the intention to educate me on a different
plan from the prescriptive one with which he had complied in the case
of my elder brother, already a tall youth at Eton. My brother was to
be his representative and successor; he must go to Eton and Oxford,
for the sake of making connexions, of course: my father was not a man
to underrate the bearing of Latin satirists or Greek dramatists on the
attainment of an aristocratic position. But, intrinsically, he had
slight esteem for "those dead but sceptred spirits"; having qualified
himself for forming an independent opinion by reading Potter's
_AEschylus_, and dipping into Francis's _Horace_. To this negative
view he added a positive one, derived from a recent connexion with
mining speculations; namely, that a scientific education was the really
useful training for a younger son. Moreover, it was clear that a shy,
sensitive boy like me was not fit to encounter the rough experience
of a public school. Mr. Letherall had said so very decidedly. Mr.
Letherall was a large man in spectacles, who one day took my small
head between his large hands, and pressed it here and there in an
exploratory, auspicious manner--then placed each of his great thumbs on
my temples, and pushed me a little way from him, and stared at me with
glittering spectacles. The contemplation appeared to displease him, for
he frowned sternly, and said to my father, drawing his thumbs across my
eyebrows--
"The deficiency is there, sir--there; and here," he added, touching the
upper sides of my head, "here is the excess. That must be brought out,
sir, and this must be laid to sleep."
I was in a state of tremor, partly at the vague idea that I was
the object of reprobation, partly in the agitation of my first
hatred--hatred of this big, spectacled man, who pulled my head about as
if he wanted to buy and cheapen it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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