Nothing of this sort had ever occurred in my dreaming experience
before, for I had often been humiliated because my dreams were only
saved from being utterly disjointed and commonplace by the frequent
terrors of nightmare. But I could not believe that I had been asleep,
for I remembered distinctly the gradual breaking-in of the vision
upon me, like the new images in a dissolving view, or the growing
distinctness of the landscape as the sun lifts up the veil of the
morning mist. And while I was conscious of this incipient vision, I
was also conscious that Pierre came to tell my father Mr. Filmore was
waiting for him, and that my father hurried out of the room. No, it was
not a dream; was it--the thought was full of tremulous exultation--was
it the poet's nature in me, hitherto only a troubled yearning
sensibility, now manifesting itself suddenly as spontaneous creation?
Surely it was in this way that Homer saw the plain of Troy, that Dante
saw the abodes of the departed, that Milton saw the earthward flight of
the Tempter. Was it that my illness had wrought some happy change in
my organization--given a firmer tension to my nerves--carried off some
dull obstruction? I had often read of such effects--in works of fiction
at least. Nay; in genuine biographies I had read of the subtilizing
or exalting influence of some diseases on the mental powers. Did
not Novalis feel his inspiration intensified under the progress of
consumption?
When my mind had dwelt for some time on this blissful idea, it seemed
to me that I might perhaps test it by an exertion of my will. The
vision had begun when my father was speaking of our going to Prague.
I did not for a moment believe it was really a representation of that
city; I believed--I hoped it was a picture that my newly liberated
genius had painted in fiery haste, with the colours snatched from lazy
memory. Suppose I were to fix my mind on some other place--Venice, for
example, which was far more familiar to my imagination than Prague:
perhaps the same sort of result would follow. I concentrated my
thoughts on Venice; I stimulated my imagination with poetic memories,
and strove to feel myself present in Venice, as I had felt myself
present in Prague. But in vain. I was only colouring the Canaletto
engravings that hung in my old bedroom at home; the picture was a
shifting one, my mind wandering uncertainly in search of more vivid
images; I could see no accident of form or shadow without conscious
labour after the necessary conditions. It was all prosaic effort, not
rapt passivity, such as I had experienced half an hour before. I was
discouraged; but I remembered that inspiration was fitful.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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