Christian life -- Fiction; Clergy -- England -- Fiction; Paranormal fiction; Short stories, English
“After he had lit his cigarette, and had a glass or two of wine,
suddenly he opened his heart to me, and told me an appalling story that
I could not tell you. I sat and watched his strong sinewy hand rise and
fall with the cigarette, under the red lamp-light; I glanced at his
quiet well-bred face with the downcast eyes and the long moustache, and
I wondered whether it was possible really for such a tale to be true;
but he spoke with a restrained conviction that left no room for doubt.
What I gathered from the story was this;––that he had identified
himself, his whole will, his whole life practically, with the cause of
Satan. I could not detect as he talked that he had ever seriously
attempted to detach himself from that cause. It has been said that a
saint is one who always chooses the better of the two courses open to
him at every step; so far as I could see this man had always chosen the
worse of the two courses. When he had done things that you and I would
think right, he had always done them for some bad reason. He had been
continuously aware, too, of what was happening. I do not think that I
have ever heard such a skilful self-analysis. Now and then, as I saw the
gulf of despair towards which his talk was leading, I interrupted him,
suggesting alleviations of the horror––suggesting that he was
pessimistic––that he had acted often under misconceptions––and the like;
but he always met me with a quiet answer that silenced me. In fact,”
said the priest, who was beginning to tremble a little, “I have never
thought it possible that a heart could be so corrupt and yet retain so
much knowledge and feeling.
“When he had finished his story he looked at me for a moment, and then
said:
“‘Lately I have seen what I have lost, and what I shall lose; and I have
told you this to ask if the Christian Gospel has any hope for such as I
am.’
“Of course I answered as a Christian priest must answer, for I honestly
thought that here was the greatest miracle of God’s grace that I had
ever seen. When I had finished I lifted my eyes from the cloth and
looked up. His fingers, while I was speaking, had been playing with an
apostle spoon, but as I looked up he looked up too, and our eyes met.”
As the priest said this, he got up, and leaned his head against the high
oak mantelpiece, and was silent a moment. Then he went on:
“God forgive me if I was wrong––if I am wrong now––but this is what I
think I saw.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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