Children's stories, English; Fairy tales; Fairy tales -- Great Britain
"Hold, h-o-o-old!" roared Hum-Drum. "It is certainly my turn now. My
rooted and insubvertible conviction is, that the causes of the
anomalies evident in the princess's condition are strictly and solely
physical. But that is only tantamount to acknowledging that they
exist. Hear my opinion.-- From some cause or other, of no importance
to our inquiry, the motion of her heart has been reversed. That
remarkable combination of the suction and the force-pump works the
wrong way-I mean in the case of the unfortunate princess: it draws in
where it should force out, and forces out where it should draw in. The
offices of the auricles and the ventricles are subverted. The blood is
sent forth by the veins, and returns by the arteries. Consequently it
is running the wrong way through all her corporeal organism--lungs and
all. Is it then at all mysterious, seeing that such is the case, that
on the other particular of gravitation as well, she should differ from
normal humanity? My proposal for the cure is this:--
"Phlebotomize until she is reduced to the last point of safety. Let it
be effected, if necessary, in a warm bath. When she is reduced to a
state of perfect asphyxy, apply a ligature to the left ankle, drawing
it as tight as the bone will bear. Apply, at the same moment, another
of equal tension around the right wrist. By means of plates
constructed for the purpose, place the other foot and hand under the
receivers of two air-pumps. Exhaust the receivers. Exhibit a pint of
French brandy, and await the result."
"Which would presently arrive in the form of grim Death," said
Kopy-Keck.
"If it should, she would yet die in doing our duty," retorted Hum-Drum.
But their Majesties had too much tenderness for their volatile
offspring to subject her to either of the schemes of the equally
unscrupulous philosophers. Indeed, the most complete knowledge of the
laws of nature would have been unserviceable in her case; for it was
impossible to classify her. She was a fifth imponderable body, sharing
all the other properties of the ponderable.
8. Try a Drop of Water.
Perhaps the best thing for the princess would have been to fall in
love. But how a princess who had no gravity could fall into anything
is a difficulty--perhaps THE difficulty.
As for her own feelings on the subject, she did not even know that
there was such a beehive of honey and stings to be fallen into. But
now I come to mention another curious fact about her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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