The Lighter Side of English LifeMoore, Frank Frankfort
General
The Lighter Side of English Life
Moore, Frank Frankfort
England -- Social life and customs; England -- Social life and customs -- Humor
There is still a brisk trade done in the manufacture of ancient flint
weapons--hatchets, spear barbs, arrow-heads, and the like--in our
county, though I have heard that there has been a melancholy falling off
in the volume of business done in this particular line during the past
twenty years. It is never well to be too certain about the treasures one
acquires nowadays, either in iron or flaky flint, but I have heard that
long ago a collector had quite as great reason to be cautious. A large
number of interesting flint weapons were with reasonable luck to be
dredged out of the sand and mud of some rivers. It was only reasonable
to suppose that these things had some thousands of years ago been in
active use in battles fought at the ford, and that they had remained
undisturbed for centuries in the bed of the river. I heard of an eminent
archaeologist having acquired quite a number of these implements bearing
unmistakable signs of antiquity. They had been dredged out of the Thames
from time to time, he heard. Unfortunately he mentioned this fact to a
dealer who had also heard of these dredgings, and offered to lend him
the collection for examination. The first experiment upon them was the
last. They had only to be boiled in a strong solution of soda to have
their true character--their false character--revealed. When taken out of
the kettle the things were as fresh as if made the day before. They had
not been made the day before, but they had certainly been made within
the year. They were nothing more than flaky fakes.
After all, it is safer for a tradesman to use his own imagination in the
preparation of his wares than to ask his customers to use theirs. For
instance a dealer in curious things, in Burford, seeing some funny
wooden dolls in a shop window, bought the whole five and then used up
some scraps of old brocade and remnants of Genoa velvet in dressing them
in costumes to be found in the recognised authority. He exposed them for
sale sitting in a row, and very amazing they must have appeared.
“Quaint things, are they not? Mediaeval puppets. I don't know that
I ever saw the like before. Of course you see what they are meant to
represent? Why, the Five Senses, to be sure. Fifteen guineas for the
five. If I don't sell them at once I'll send them to the Victoria and
Albert Museum. They'll jump at them.”
“I shouldn't mind buying one of them,” said the customer; “but I could
not do with the whole five.”
“Sorry, sir; but you could scarcely ask me to break the set--I don't
believe there is another set in existence,” said the dealer.
“I think you might let me have one. I have bought a lot of things from
you from time to time.”
“I should like to, sir--yes, I should indeed like you to have one,
but--you see the whole beauty of the set is that it is a set--the Five
Senses.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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