The Lightning Conductor Discovers AmericaWilliamson, C. N. (Charles Norris)
General
The Lightning Conductor Discovers America
Williamson, C. N. (Charles Norris)
Automobiles -- Fiction
Besides the car and the maid, Mademoiselle Patsey is bringing with her
to America a regular trousseau for her debut, which is to take place in
the grand manner. She won't let me see Larry's photograph because it
doesn't do him justice, and because she wants him to burst upon me as a
brilliant surprise; but she has shown me as much of the trousseau as her
stateroom and Angele's can contain. The rest's in the hold, and forms
quite a respectable cargo. If everything comes off as Patsey expects it
to do (and after all, as I said, why shouldn't it?) I do think that she
and her charm and her clothes are likely to dazzle New York. Nothing
prettier can have happened there or anywhere for a long time.
By the way, did _you_ ever hear of a Laurence Moore of Long Island,
whose place is called Kidd's Pines? There may be half a directory
bursting with Laurence Moores, but there can be only one with an address
like Kidd's Pines. It's named after a clump of pines supposed to be a
kind of landmark for treasure buried by Captain Kidd. Either the
treasure is buried under the trees, somewhere between their roots and
China, or the pines point to it. Can pines point? I don't see how they
can, any more than a pumpkin can point; but perhaps nobody else being
able to see is the reason why the treasure's never been found.
We haven't many young men on board. Most of the young men who travel are
going the other way just now; and that makes our Ship's Mystery more
conspicuous. One reason he's so conspicuous is because he's travelling
third class. (We used to call it steerage!) Maybe you'll say that
travelling third class doesn't usually make people mysterious: it makes
them smell of disinfectants. Also it puts them Beyond the Pale. Not
that I or any other nice woman can tell precisely what a Pale is. But
anyhow, if you go third class you have to show your tongue if the least
important person demands a sight of it. And if that doesn't put you
beyond Pales and everything else, I don't know what does.
That's why this man deserves such extraordinary credit for being
interesting and mysterious. Even if caught in the act of displaying his
tongue to the doctor, I believe you'd say, should you see a snapshot:
"Who _is_ that man?"
Now, haven't I worked up to him well? Don't you want to hear the rest?
Well, so do _we_. For we don't know anything at all, except that if we
go and gaze over the rail of the first-class part of this old-fashioned
tub of a ship, into the third-class part, we can generally observe a
young man who looks like an Italian prince (I mean, the way an Italian
prince _ought_ to look) telling the steerage children stories or
teaching them games. I'm not sure if he's exactly handsome, but there
must be something remarkable about him, or all the first-class
passengers wouldn't have begun asking each other or the ship's officers
or even the deck stewards on the first day out, the question I
suggested: "Who _is_ that man?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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