"Good gracious!" ejaculated the chief. "Why did he not ask to be secretary of the treasury and have done with it?" Reflecting, he observed: "Well, now, I never thought that lank had anything more than average ability when we were youngsters together. But, then, I suppose, he thought the same thing about me, and yet--here I am!" * * * * * THEY WENT AWAY SICKER STILL. A party were pressing the claims of a solicitor for a consulship; his particular plea that his health would be benefited by residence on these Fortunate Islands. The Lord Bountiful terminated the interview by lightly saying: "Gentlemen, I am sorry to say that there are eight other applicants for the place--and all of them are sicker than your client!" * * * * * OF TWENTY APPLICANTS, NINETEEN ARE MADE ENEMIES. Hampered, harassed, and hounded by office-seekers, the President once opened his confidence on this irritating point to a conscientious public officer. He wished the senators and others would start and stimulate public sentiment toward changes in public offices being made on good and sufficient cause--that is, plainly, never on party considerations. The ideal civil service, in a word. Nine-tenths of his vexations were due to seekers of sinecures. "It seems to me that such visitors dart at me and, with finger and thumb, carry off a portion of my vitality," was his saying. His hearer laughed at the image, but the other pursued earnestly: "I have made up my mind to make very few changes in the offices in my gift for my second term. I think, now, that I shall not move a single man, except for delinquency. To remove a man is very easy, but when I go to fill his place, there are twenty applicants, and of these I must make nineteen enemies."--(Authenticated by Senator Clark, of New Hampshire, to whom the confidence was imparted.) [Footnote: Secretary Blaine, out of his similar experience, reiterated the sentiment thus: "When I choose one out of ten applicants to fill an office, I find that nine have become my enemies and one is an ingrate."] * * * * * RID OF AN OFFICE-SEEKER. "There was an ignorant man," said a senator, "who once applied to Lincoln for the post of doorkeeper to the House. This man had no right to ask Lincoln for anything. It was necessary to repulse him. But Lincoln repulsed him gently and whimsically without hurting his feelings, in this way: "'So you want to be doorkeeper to the House, eh?' "'Yes, Mr. President.' "'Well, have you ever been a doorkeeper? Have you ever had any experience of doorkeeping?' "'Well, no--no actual experience, sir.' "'Any theoretical experience? Any instructions in the duties and ethics of doorkeeping?' "'Umh--no.' "'Have you ever attended lectures on doorkeeping?' "'No, sir.' '"Have you read any text-book on the subject?' "'No.' "'Have you conversed with any one who has read such a book?'