"I am well acquainted with Mr. X----, and know his circumstances. First of all, he has a wife and baby; together, they ought to be worth $50,000 to any man. Secondly, he has an office in which there is a table worth $1.50, and three chairs worth, say, $1. Last of all, there is in one corner a large rat-hole, which will bear _looking into!_ Respectfully, etc." * * * * * "I WANTED TO SEE THEM SPREAD!" It is related that the ushers and secret service officials on duty at the Executive Mansion during the war were prone to congregate in a little anteroom and exchange reminiscences. This was directly against instructions by the President. One night the guard and ushers were gathered in the little room talking things over, when suddenly the door opened, and there stood President Lincoln, his shoes in his hand. All the crowd scattered save one privileged individual, the Usher Pendel, of the President's own appointment, as he had been kind to the Lincoln children. The intruder shook his finger at him and, with assumed ferocity, growled: "Pendel, you people remind me of the boy who set a hen on forty-three eggs." "How was that, Mr. President?" asked Pendel. "A youngster put forty-three eggs under a hen, and then rushed in and told his mother what he had done. "'But a hen can't set on forty-three eggs,' replied the mother. "'No, I guess she can't, but I just wanted to see her spread herself.' "That's what I wanted to see you boys do when I came in," said the President, as he left for his apartments.--(By Thomas Pendel, still usher, in 1900.) * * * * * THE LINCOLN NON SEQUITUR. Though a Democrat, Member of Congress John Ganson, of New York, supported the President, and he thought himself entitled to enjoy what no one had surprised or captured--the confidence of Abraham's bosom, as was the current phrase. He, calling, insisted that he ought to know the true situation of things military and political, so that he might justify himself among his friends. Ganson was bald as the egg and was the most clean-shaven of men. The "Northern Nero" eyed the presumptuous satrap fixedly, and drawled: "Ganson, how clean you shave!" He had escaped another inquisition by his close shave. (Told by Senator C. M. Depew.) * * * * * WHY SO MANY COMMON PEOPLE. Like another Daniel, Lincoln interpreted dreams. He said that he had one in this guise: He imagined he was in a great assemblage like one of his receptions multiplied. The mass described a hedge to let him pass. He thought that he heard one of them remark: "That is a common-looking fellow!" To whom Lincoln replied--still in the dream: "Friend, the Lord loves common-looking people--that is why He made so many of them." (NOTE.--Another current saying substitutes "the poor" for "common.") * * * * * ENVY OF A HUMORIST.