England -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Mothers and daughters -- Fiction; Paris (France) -- Fiction; Women -- Fiction
drive to Meudon, which she had never seen, alone, all decided beyond any
doubt that _he would do it during the drive_.
Hence the nice constraint at the table when the drive grew publicly and
avowedly imminent.
Audrey, as the phrase is, "felt her position keenly," but not unpleasantly,
nor with understanding. Not a word had passed of late between herself and
Mr. Gilman that any acquaintance might not have listened to. Indeed, Mr.
Gilman had become slightly more formal. She liked him for that, as she
liked him for a large number of qualities. She did not know whether she
loved him. And strange to say, the question did not passionately interest
her. The only really interesting questions were: Would he propose to her?
And would she accept him? She had no logical ground for assuming that he
would propose to her. None of her friends had informed her of the general
expectation that he would propose to her. Yet she knew that everybody
expected him to propose to her quite soon--indeed within the next couple of
hours. And she felt that everybody was right. The universe was full of
mysteries for Audrey. As regards her answer to any proposal, she
foresaw--another mystery--that it would not depend upon self-examination or
upon reason, or upon anything that could be defined. It would depend upon
an instinct over which her mind--nay, even her heart--had no control. She
was quite certainly aware that this instinct would instruct her brain to
instruct her lips to say "Yes." The idea of saying "No" simply could not be
conceived. All the forces in the universe would combine to prevent her from
saying "No."
The one thing that might have countered that enigmatic and powerful
instinct was a consideration based upon the difference between her age and
that of Mr. Gilman. It is true that she did not know what the difference
was, because she did not know Mr. Gilman's age. And she could not ask him.
No! Such is the structure of society that she could not say to Mr. Gilman,
"By the way, Mr. Gilman, how old are you?" She could properly ascertain his
tastes about all manner of fundamental points, such as the shape of
chair-legs, the correct hour for dining, or the comparative merits of
diamonds and emeralds; but this trifle of information about his age could
not be asked for. And he did not make her a present of it. She might have
questioned Madame Piriac, but she could not persuade herself to question
Madame Piriac either. However, what did it matter? Even if she learnt his
age to a day, he would still be precisely the same Mr. Gilman. And let him
be as old or as young as he might, she was still his equal in age. She was
far more than six months older than she had been six months ago.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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