England -- Social life and customs -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Short stories, English
She drew a deep breath. A shock of unbelievable relief tingled through
her. So that was all! What was it, compared with her fears? She almost
said, "Never mind, dear. It was hateful of you, and I wish you hadn't,
but I know you're sorry, and I'm sorry; but I forgive you, and we'll
forget it, and you'll never do it again." But just in time she
remembered that nice girls must not take these things too lightly. What
opinion would he form of the purity of her mind, the innocence of her
soul, if an incident like this failed to shock her deeply? He himself
was evidently a prey to the most rending remorse. He had told her of the
thing as one tells of a crime. As the confession of a crime she must
receive it. How should she know that he had only told her because he
feared that she would anyhow hear it through the indiscretion of the
girl in pink, or of that other girl in blue who had seen and smiled? How
could she guess that he had tuned his confession to the key of what he
believed would be an innocent girl's estimate of his misconduct?
Following the tingle of relief came a sharp, sickening pinch of jealousy
and mortification. These inspired her.
"I don't wonder you were afraid to tell me," she began. "You don't love
me--you've never loved me--I was an idiot to believe you did."
"You know I do," he said; "it was hateful of me--but I couldn't help
it."
Those four true words wounded her more than all the rest.
"Couldn't help it? Then how can I ever trust you? Even if we were
married I could never be sure you weren't kissing some horrid girl or
other. No--it's no use--I can never, never forgive you--and it's all
over. And I _believed_ in you so, and trusted you--I thought you were
the soul of honour."
He could not say, "And so I am, on the whole," which was what he
thought. Her tears were falling hot and fast between face and veil, for
she had talked till she was very sorry indeed for herself.
"Forgive me, dear," he said.
Then she rose to the occasion. "Never," she said, her eyes flashing
through her tears. "You've deceived me once--you'd do it again! No, it's
all over--you've broken my heart and destroyed my faith in human nature.
I hope I shall never see you again. Some day you'll understand what
you've done, and be sorry!"
"Do you think I'm not sorry now?"
She wished that they were at home, and not in this horrible tea-shop,
under the curious eyes of the waitresses. At home she could at least
have buried her face in the sofa cushions and resisted all his
pleading,--at last, perhaps, letting him take one cold passive hand and
shower frantic kisses upon it.
He would come to-morrow, however, and then-- At present the thing to
compass was a dignified parting.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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