“Rome gives, on one’s return after fifteen years’ absence, such a number of kisses as exceeds those given by Lesbia to Catullus. Every neighbor, every hairy-faced farmer, presses on you with a strongly-scented kiss. Here the weaver assails you, there the fuller and the cobbler, who has just been kissing leather; here the owner of a filthy beard, and a one-eyed gentleman; there one with bleared eyes, and fellows whose mouths are defiled with all manner of abominations. It was hardly worth while to return.” His epigram to Linus (vii. 95) is rarely exceeded in its sarcastic severity. It closes in this manner: ——“No doubt, Th’ icicles hanging at thy dog-like snout, The congealed snivel dangling on thy beard, Ranker than th’ oldest goat of all the herd. The nastiest mouth in town I’d rather greet, Than with thy flowing frozen nostrils meet. If therefore thou hast either shame or sense, Till April comes no kisses more dispense.” The satirist thus pays his respects to a lady whose physical attractions do not appear to have had much charm for his fastidious taste: “In vain, fond Philænis, thou woo’st my embrace: Bald, carrotty, one-eyed, thy tripartite grace! The wretch, poor Philænis, that would thee salute, Can never aspire to the buss of a brute.” (ii. 33.) And again: “Why on my chin a plaster clapped? Besalved my lips that are not chapped? Philænis, why? The cause is this: Philænis, thee I will not kiss.” (x. 22). The illustrious Postumus comes in for a share of repugnance in this delicate fashion. We give the literal translation: “I commend you, Postumus, for kissing me with only half your lip; you may, however, if you please, withhold even the half of this half. Are you inclined to grant me a boon still greater, and even inexpressible? Keep this whole half entirely to yourself, Postumus.” (ii. 10.) And elsewhere, thus: “To some, Postumus, you give kisses, to some your right hand. ‘Which do you prefer?’ you say: ‘choose.’ I prefer your hand.” In another place (iii. 53) Martial addresses Chloe in this ungallant and uncourtly style: “I could do without your face, and your neck, and your hands, and your limbs, and your bosom, and other of your charms. Indeed, not to fatigue myself with enumerating each of them, I could do without you, Chloe, altogether.” This _brusquerie_ has been imitated by Thomas Moore in the following manner: “I could resign that eye of blue, Howe’er its splendor used to thrill me; And e’en that cheek of roseate hue— To lose it, Chloe, scarce would kill me. “That snowy neck I ne’er should miss, However much I’ve raved about it; And sweetly as that lip can kiss, I _think_ I could exist without it. “In short, so well I’ve learned to fast, That sooth, my love, I know not whether I might not bring myself at last ——To do without you altogether.”