_Pet._ Nothing; I’ve been vexed,—city business. I think, as I have a moment to spare, I’ll drop a note to the wine merchant about the empty bottles (_takes inkstand to a table_): he ought to fetch ’em away, or I shall be charged for ’em. What horrid candles! (_Snuffs one out._) Why did I go to the expense of a handsome lamp, when you will burn candles? (_In trying to light it he purposely extinguishes the other; stage dark._) _Mrs. P._ P., dear, how clumsy you are! _Pet._ Sit still—I’ll get a light; Mary’s cooking—I’ll get a light. (_He pours some ink on his pocket-handkerchief, and in passing MRS. P., contrives to leave a large patch on her nose._) _Mrs. P._ P., what are you doing? _Pet._ Nothing, dear, nothing; sit still. I’ll fetch a light. [_Exit._ _Frank._ Is it really your wish that I should continue my attentions? (_Getting close to her._) Gad, she’s a fine woman, and I never in my life could be in the dark with one, without giving her a kiss; and, encouraged as I am, who could resist? [_Attempts to kiss her._ _Mrs. P._ Don’t, don’t; I won’t allow it; how can you be so foolish? (_Kisses her, and blacks his nose._) Go away: here’s P. (_Lights up; FRANK returns to his chair as P. enters, stands between them moonstruck at seeing FRANK’S face; he trembles, places one candle on the table, and seizes MRS. P.’S arm._) _Pet._ Woman, look at that man—look at his nose. Now go to your room—to the glass, and look at your own! come, madam, come. [_He drags her off._ _Frank._ Very strange conduct; however, my poor friend is severely punished for the pains he has taken to test his wife’s constancy.... In the _dénouement_ the position of Mrs. P. and Frank is explained: _Pet._ Not Betsey!—the lady I’ve pulled about so—not Betsey! Who are you, madam? Explain, before I faint away—who are you? _Frank._ That lady, sir, is my wife. (_FRANK and LADY embrace._) _Pet._ Your wife! and really you are not going to elope?—you are still your own Pettibone’s?—but that kiss in the dark, madam! what can remove that stain? _Mrs. P._ My candid confession—— _Pet._ Of what? _Mrs. P._ That I overheard the test by which I was to be tried, and, knowing in my heart that I did not deserve such a trial, I was resolved, as you had thought proper to suspect me without a cause, for once to give you a reason for your jealousy. _Pet._ (_on his knees._) Oh, Betsey, forgive me.... * * * * *