* * * * * “Come, my little fellow,” said a Washington gentleman to a youngster of five years while sitting in a parlor where a large company were assembled, “do you know me?” “Yeth, thir!” “Who am I? Let me hear.” “You ith the man who kithed mamma when papa wath in New York.” Correct. * * * * * Little Katie, standing on a chair before a mirror, and holding her mother’s elegant hat upon her head, remarks to her father, who is sitting _tête-à-tête_ with her mother, “Oh, papa, now I know why mamma gets so many kisses from your cousin Tom; it’s because of the pretty hat she wears. Don’t I look tempting, though?” * * * * * A Milwaukee man hid in a public door-way, and jumped out and kissed his wife. She didn’t whoop and yell, as he expected, but remarked, “Don’t be so bold, mister: folks around here know me.” * * * * * Mrs. Laing, an Omaha woman, glided softly up behind Kalakaua, King of the Sandwich Islands, and—stole a kiss! But the joke of the thing is that the Omaha wags passed off a good-looking negro for the king. * * * * * A Binghamton girl offered to let a countryman kiss her for five cents. “Gad,” exclaimed the bucolic youth, “that’s darn cheap, if a fellow only had the money.” * * * * * A New Orleans minister recently married a colored couple, and at the conclusion of the ceremony remarked, “On such occasions as this it is customary to kiss the bride, but in this case we will omit it.” To this unclerical remark the indignant bridegroom very pertinently replied, “On such an occasion as this it is customary to give the minister ten dollars, but in this case we will omit it.” * * * * * The accomplished Fitzwiggle propounded this conundrum to the lovely Miss Sparrowgrass: “What would you be, dearest, if I should press the stamp of love upon those sealing-wax lips?” “I,” responded the fairy-like creature, “should be _stationery_.” * * * * * Walt Whitman thus used the poetic license in his salute to the White House bride, the daughter of President Grant, upon the occasion of her marriage: “O youth and health! O sweet Missouri rose! O bonny bride! Yield thy red cheeks, thy lips to-day, Unto a nation’s loving kiss.” It was considered, doubtful whether such wholesale osculation would be satisfactory. Yet, at the same time, the gifted actress, Clara Morris, upon meeting with an enthusiastic reception in Cleveland, her home, concluded a speech of grateful appreciation with the tantalizing wish that Cleveland “had but one mouth, that she might kiss it.”[29] * * * * *