“My dear,” said an affectionate wife, “what shall we have for dinner to-day?” “One of your smiles,” replied the husband; “I can dine on that every day.” “But I can’t,” replied the wife. “Then take this,” and he gave her a kiss, and went to his business. He returned to dinner. “This is excellent steak,” said he: “what did you pay for it?” “Why, what you gave me this morning, to be sure,” replied the wife. “You did!” exclaimed he; “then you shall have the money next time you go to market.” * * * * * The author of the old comedy called “The Kiss” sent a copy, as soon as published, to a young lady, informing her that he had been wishing for several months for the opportunity of _giving her a kiss_. * * * * * Joseph II., Emperor of Germany, during a visit to Rome, went to see the princess Santacroce, a young lady of singular beauty, who had an evening _conversazione_. Next morning appeared the following pasquinade: “Pasquin asks, ‘What is the Emperor Joseph come to Rome for?’ Marforio answers, ‘Abaciar la Santa Croce’”—to kiss the Holy Cross. * * * * * When the court of France waited upon the king on the birth of the Duke of Burgundy, all were welcomed to kiss the royal hand. The Marquis of Spinola, in the ardor of respect, bit his majesty’s finger, on which the king started, when Spinola begged pardon, and said in his defence that if he had not done so his majesty would not have noticed him. * * * * * “Our professor does wonderful things in surgery,” said a young medical student: “he has actually made a new lip for a boy, taken from his cheek.” “Ah, well,” said his old aunt, “many’s the time I have known a pair taken from mine, and no very painful operation either.” * * * * * An engaged young gentleman got rather neatly out of a scrape with his intended. She taxed him with having kissed two young ladies at some party at which she was not present. He owned it, but said that their united ages only made twenty-one. The simple-minded girl thought of ten and eleven, and laughed off her pout. He did not explain that one was nineteen and the other two years of age! Wasn’t it artful? Just like the men! * * * * * “Pray, Miss Primrose, do you like steamboats?” inquired a gentleman of a fair friend to whom he was paying his addresses. “Oh! pretty well,” replied the lady; “but I’m exceedingly fond of a smack.” The lover took the hint, and impressed a chaste salute on the lips of the blushing damsel. * * * * * “Yes, you may come again next Sunday evening, Horace dear, but”—and she hesitated. “What is it, darling? Have I given you pain?” he asked, as she still remained silent. “You didn’t mean to, I’m sure,” she responded, “but next time please don’t wear one of those collars with the points turning outward; they scratch so.”