Mental illness -- Fiction; Russia -- Fiction; Russian fiction -- Translations into English; Teachers -- Fiction
His eyes gleamed in wild triumph. Only one thing annoyed him; the
disagreeable odour. The murdered spy stank putridly behind the
wall-paper. Horror and triumph shook Peredonov--he had killed an
enemy! He had hardened his heart to the very end of the deed. It was
not a real murder--but for Peredonov it was quite real. A mad horror
had forged in him a readiness to commit the crime--and the deep,
unconscious image of future murder, dormant in the lower strata of
spiritual life, the tormenting itch to murder, a condition of primitive
wrath, oppressed his diseased will. The ancient Cain--overlaid by many
generations--found gratification in his breaking and damaging property,
in his chopping with the axe, in his cutting with the knife, in his
cutting down trees in the garden to prevent the spies from looking
out behind them. And the ancient demon, the spirit of prehistoric
confusion, of hoary chaos, rejoiced in the destruction of things, while
the wild eyes of the madman reflected horror, like the horror of the
death agonies of some monster.
And the same illusions tormented him again and again. Varvara, amusing
herself at Peredonov's expense, sometimes hid herself behind the door
of the room where he was sitting, and talked in assumed voices. He
would get frightened, walk up quietly to catch the enemy--and find
Varvara.
"Whom were you whispering to?" he asked sadly.
Varvara smiled and replied:
"It only seemed to you, Ardalyon Borisitch."
"Surely everything doesn't merely seem to me," muttered Peredonov
sadly. "There must be also truth upon the earth."
Even Peredonov, in common with all conscious life, strove towards the
truth, and this striving tortured him. He was not conscious that he,
like all people, was striving towards the truth, and that was why he
suffered this confused restlessness. He could not find the truth he
sought, and he was caught in the toils and was perishing.
* * * * *
His acquaintances began to taunt him with being a dupe. With the usual
cruelty of our town towards the weak, they talked of this deception in
his presence. Prepolovenskaya asked with a derisive smile:
"How is it, Ardalyon Borisitch, that you haven't gone away to your
inspector's job yet?"
Varvara answered for him with suppressed anger:
"We shall get the paper soon, and we shall leave at once."
But these questions depressed him.
"How can I live, if the place isn't given to me?" he thought.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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