Mental illness -- Fiction; Russia -- Fiction; Russian fiction -- Translations into English; Teachers -- Fiction
Again it was a gloomy day. The wind came in violent blasts, and whirled
clouds of dust before it. The evening was coming on, and everything was
permeated with the dead melancholy light of bleak skies. A depressing
silence filled the streets, and it seemed as if all these pitiful
houses had sprung up to no purpose, as if these hopelessly decayed
structures timidly hinted at the poor tedious life that lurked within
their walls. A few people walked in the streets--and they walked
slowly, as if they barely conquered the drowsiness that inclined them
to repose. Only children, eternal, unwearying vessels of divine joy,
were lively, and ran about and played--but even they showed signs of
inertia, and some sort of ugly, hidden monster, nestling behind their
shoulders, looked out now and then with eyes full of menace upon their
suddenly dulled faces.
In the midst of the depression of these streets and houses, under
estranged skies, upon the unclean and impotent earth, walked Peredonov,
tormented by confused fears--there was no comfort for him in the
heights and no consolation upon the earth, because now, as before,
he looked upon the world with dead eyes, like some demon who, in his
dismal loneliness, despaired with fear and with yearning.
His feelings were dull, and his consciousness was a corrupting and
deadening apparatus. All that reached his consciousness became
transformed into abomination and filth. All objects revealed their
imperfections to him and their imperfections gave him pleasure.
When he walked past an erect and clean column, he had a desire to
make it crooked and to bespatter it with filth. He laughed with joy
when something was being besmirched in his presence. He detested
very clean schoolboys, and persecuted them. He called them "the skin
scrubbers." He comprehended the slovenly ones more easily. There were
neither beloved objects for him, nor beloved people--and this made it
possible for nature to act upon his feelings only one-sidedly, as an
irritant. The same was true of his meetings with people. Especially
with strangers and new acquaintances, to whom it was not possible to be
impolite. Happiness for him was to do nothing, and, shutting himself in
from the world, to gratify his belly.
"And now I must go against my will," he thought, "and explain matters."
What a burden! What a bore! If he had an opportunity at least of
besmirching the place he was about to visit--but even this consolation
was denied to him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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