British -- France -- Fiction; French -- England -- Fiction; Love stories
Oh, the fatal background to his words! He knew how false they were,
spoken to Toppie, for all that there was of truth in them for himself.
“Let’s go home,” he urged, “and not talk about it any more.”
Toppie stood, her eyes fixed as if in careful scrutiny upon the
distance. She had raised her hand, as he spoke, and pressed her fingers,
bent, against her lips. He saw that she kept herself with a great effort
from breaking into tears.
“It’s not that,” she uttered with difficulty. “It’s you.” And now she
moved away. “I’m going home from here. I would rather be alone, please.”
The road led over the common to Heathside; there was a short cut through
the woods to the Rectory.
“But, Toppie—I do implore you.” Poor Giles with his rough head and
great round eyes stood and pleaded. “What have I done? What have you
against me?”
“It’s everything, everything,” Toppie murmured. “It’s all I’ve felt in
you this afternoon. I’ve stumbled—from one hidden thing to another.—It
gives me dreadful thoughts. It’s as if”—she stopped again, her eyes
still fixed on the distance—“as if there might be anything. She’s
changed you so much.” And, her eyes coming to him at last, she spoke on,
helpless in the urgency of her half-seen fear:—“It’s as if she might
have changed Owen;—if he had ever come to know her as well as you
have.”
Suddenly, at this climax, Giles found himself prepared. “What if she
had?” he demanded, and it was like riding, with a great thrust, to the
top of the breaker that threatened to engulf them. “What if she had made
him judge things more kindly? No doubt she would have changed him. He
would have felt her beauty, too. But she wouldn’t have changed him
towards you, Toppie; any more than she has me.”
Then Toppie drew back. Seeing suddenly where she stood, seeing her fear
as a disloyalty, she drew away. She looked at Giles and he saw the door,
as it were, mercifully or terribly close against him and Toppie,
demanding no further lies, shut herself away. “Perhaps you are right,”
she said slowly, and each word came with an effort, for they were,
doubtless, the only false words Toppie had ever uttered. “Perhaps I am
too ignorant of the world. I do not judge your friend. But if I knew
her, I could not think her beautiful. I could not think a wicked woman
beautiful. We must be different in that.—I’ll go home now. I’d rather
be alone. Good-bye.”
She moved away into the wood.
Giles, standing where she left him, had the sensation of feeling his
heart break. “Toppie,” he said in a choking voice.
She stopped and looked round at him. Her grey form among the birches was
almost invisible, but he saw the thin oval of her face.
“Toppie.”—Only this—He could hardly speak. He was not thinking. Only
that stifling pressure in his heart seemed to break its way out into
words—“I do so love you.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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