Clergy -- Fiction; Country life -- Scotland -- Fiction; Deception -- Fiction; Romanies -- Fiction; Scotland -- Fiction
"Ay," said Susy Tibbits, nicknamed by Haggart "the Timidest Woman"
because she once said she was too young to marry, "but I was fell
sorry for him, just being over anxious. He began bonny, flinging
himself, like ane Inspired, at the pulpit door, but after Hendry
Munn pointed at it and cried out, 'Be cautious, the sneck's
loose,' he a' gaed to bits. What a coolness Hendry has, though I
suppose it was his duty, him being kirk-officer."
"We didna want a man," Lang Tammas said, "that could be put out by
sic a sma' thing as that. Mr. Urquhart was in sic a ravel after it
that when he gies out the first line o' the hunder and nineteenth
psalm for singing, says he, 'And so on to the end.' Ay, that
finished his chance."
"The noblest o' them to look at," said Tibbie Birse, "was that ane
frae Aberdeen, him that had sic a saft side to Jacob."
"Ay," said Snecky, "and I speired at Dr. McQueen if I should vote
for him. 'Looks like a genius, does he?' says the Doctor. 'Weel,
then,' says he, 'dinna vote for him, for my experience is that
there's no folk sic idiots as them that looks like geniuses.'"
"Sal," Susy said, "it's a guid thing we've settled, for I enjoyed
sitting like a judge upon them so muckle that I sair doubt it was
a kind o' sport to me."
"It was no sport to them, Susy, I'se uphaud, but it is a blessing
we've settled, and ondoubtedly we've got the pick o' them. The
only thing Mr. Dishart did that made me oneasy was his saying the
word Caesar as if it began wi' a k."
"He'll startle you mair afore you're done wi' him," the atheist
said maliciously. "I ken the ways o' thae ministers preaching for
kirks. Oh, they're cunning. You was a' pleased that Mr. Dishart
spoke about looms and webs, but, lathies, it was a trick. Ilka ane
o' thae young ministers has a sermon about looms for weaving
congregations, and a second about beating swords into ploughshares
for country places, and another on the great catch of fishes for
fishing villages. That's their stock-in-trade; and just you wait
and see if you dinna get the ploughshares and the fishes afore the
month's out. A minister preaching for a kirk is one thing, but a
minister placed in't may be a very different berry."
"Joseph Cruickshanks," cried the precentor, passionately, "none o'
your d----d blasphemy!"
They all looked at Whamond, and he dug his teeth into his lips in
shame.
"Wha's swearing now?" said the atheist.
But Whamond was quick.
"Matthew, twelve and thirty-one," he said.
"Dagont, Tammas," exclaimed the baffled Cruickshanks, "you're aye
quoting Scripture. How do you no quote Feargus O'Connor?"
"Lads," said Snecky, "Jo hasna heard Mr. Dishart's sermons. Ay, we
get it scalding when he comes to the sermon. I canna thole a
minister that preaches as if heaven was round the corner."
"If you're hitting at our minister, Snecky," said James Cochrane,
"let me tell you he's a better man than yours."
"A better curler, I dare say."
"A better prayer."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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