The Little Moment of HappinessKelland, Clarence Budington
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The Little Moment of Happiness
Kelland, Clarence Budington
Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
She did not start, but merely stopped and raised her eyes to his face
slowly. There was no surprise, no emotion of any sort to be seen, only
that quaint gravity with which he was so familiar. She stopped and
waited, as she always stopped and waited, ready, it seemed, to take her
cue from what was about to happen. She might never have seen him before,
but then, he thought, she always met him so—as if she had never seen him
before.... She did not speak; only waited.
He was inarticulate, abashed, nonplussed. Suddenly it seemed to him that
there was nothing to say, nothing that could be said. He had been guilty
of conduct which removed him forever from her life, which was
unforgivable. There was an impulse to turn and to hurry away from her,
but he repressed it.... He must do something, say something.
“I’m ashamed,” he said, clumsily. “I’ve been miserable.... I had to find
you and tell you.... I—What can I say? It was wicked—wicked....”
He could go no farther, could only search her face with his eyes for
some reflection of her thoughts, for some sign that he might hope for
pardon. She did not reply; there was no change in her expression, only
that unfathomable gravity and that air of suspended judgment.
“Last night I tried to find you.... I sat and waited, but you did not
come. I couldn’t go to sleep until I had begged you to forgive me.... I
don’t deserve to be forgiven. What I did—what I said, was
unforgivable.... Oh, Andree!...”
There was a little pause, then she said, “You have been sad?”
“Yes.”
“And I also,” she said, not reproachfully.
“I—Never before have I known what it was to suffer—and I have suffered.
It was right that I should. I deserved punishment.” Even here the
Puritan in him obtruded itself. “And you were so good, so sweet, so
wonderful.... I know all about it now—and I was suspicious and
brutal.... I was jealous, too. But I didn’t know I was jealous.... When
I thought you were not good, it seemed to me that nothing in the world
could be good. Do you understand?... But there’s no excuse for me. I
should have known, and I should have trusted you.... I didn’t even give
you a chance to explain....”
“Oh, you speak ver’ fast. I cannot onderstan’ all.... But you have not
been happy—no.... It is to be seen.... At first I do not onderstan’, and
I am ver’ sad and hurt—oh, ver’ sad. When I make to cross the _pont_ I
look down at the water—yes.... And then I say it is some mistake.... I
say something have happen I do not know of and it makes you to be not
like Monsieur Ken, but ver’ hurt and miserable and—how you say?—upset?
Yes. I say, also, that I love Monsieur Ken and always that I am
_fidèle_.... So what could it be?... If, then, it is nothing, only some
mistake, then I am much sorry.... Not sorry for me, monsieur, who have
done no wrong, but for you, who are mos’ unhappy.... It is so. My heart
it makes to weep for you because you suffer....”
“Andree!...”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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