The Little Moment of HappinessKelland, Clarence Budington
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The Little Moment of Happiness
Kelland, Clarence Budington
Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction
“That’s just it. I don’t know.... I don’t want anything ever to happen
to make her unhappy. You and I have talked pretty frankly, haven’t we?
Somehow you seem to understand things over here, though you are as
American as I am—and you—well, you don’t make a fuss. But even at that,
you don’t know how I feel about her.... Maybe I’m going to be in love
with you, and maybe I’m in love with you already. I don’t know.... But I
do know that I love her.”
“If you are by way of making love to me you’ve invented a new method.”
“I’m not making love to you. I guess I’m trying to reason things out
aloud.”
“Using me as a wall to bounce your ball against.”
He smiled without mirth. “Something like that. I know I love Andree, but
yet I can see myself in love with you.... I’ve asked you before if a man
can be in love with two girls at the same time.”
“I don’t know. Not in the same way, anyhow.”
“It would be different. If I did love you I would be thinking about
marriage all the time. It would mean marriage. I would want you for my
wife.... But Andree—she doesn’t mean that. At least marriage doesn’t
figure in it. I can’t explain exactly, but it’s as if there never had
been such a thing in the world as marriage—only love.”
“I’m not sure but that is better. Even if I am American I don’t know but
I’d rather have that kind.”
“Andree isn’t just an adventure, an incident. She’s more important than
that—the most important thing that ever happened to me.... I can’t
explain. I can feel it, but I can’t express what it is. It isn’t that I
couldn’t marry her, nor that I wouldn’t be mighty lucky to have her for
a wife.... It seems, somehow, that marriage doesn’t signify—isn’t
necessary.”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re trying to get at.”
“I don’t, either. I’m trying to find out.... But I do know that I don’t
want to hurt her or make her sorry she has loved me.”
“How about me?” she asked, suddenly.
“You?”
“How about hurting me?” she asked. “You’ve made a weird sort of love to
me. You’ve balanced on the fence and told me you might fall in love with
me. You’ve carried on a sort of rubber-elastic courtship—ready to snap
back out of reach if I seemed likely to catch you.... Have you thought
about me at all? Really, I’ve some right to be considered.”
She was right. Undoubtedly he had not been fair to her. He had thought
only of himself and of his sentiments toward her, but scarcely at all of
her sentiments toward him.
“Why,” he said, “I don’t believe I’ve thought of that side of it. It
never occurred to me that you—that you might be in love with me.”
“Well, I’m not.” She spoke sharply.
“Do you mean you never could be?”
“There! Of all things!... You want me to tell you that if you make up
your mind to condescend to love me I’ll be ready to drop into your
hands. You want to have your cake and eat it. I’d say you were the most
completely selfish person I’ve ever encountered.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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