Yet what could she do! Her position was intolerable and full of peril.
If she were his wife, in one moment she would be safe, free, and under
the protection of one who loved her with utter devotion. True, she had
no such sentiment toward him as a wife should have for a husband, but he
himself was aware of that, and in spite of that was willing, nay, eager,
to take her. She was touched to the heart by his self-depreciation and
profound respect.
Then, again, she thought, ought not he himself to be considered? Had he
no claims? He had given himself up to her; he had done much for her. He
had offered again and again to give up his life for her. Ought not such
rare devotion to meet with some reward? And what reward could she ever
give? There was only one which he wanted--herself. Could she refuse him
that?
Dudleigh said not another word, and in that long and most embarrassing
silence he looked away so as not to add to her confusion. Edith did not
know what to do or say. Could she refuse him? Then how ungrateful she
would be to her best friend! But if he should leave her? What then? A
life of despair! The complete triumph of Wiggins. A living death.
Was it at all singular that she recoiled from such an alternative? She
could not endure this captivity any longer. And was it, then, so
dreadful to give herself to the man who adored her? No. If she did not
love him, she at least had a strong friendship, and this in time might
change to love. She had a greater regard for him than for any other
man. Distasteful? It was. Yes. But it was far better than this
imprisonment. She must take him as her husband, or lose him forever. He
could do no more for her unless she became his wife. He could only save
her by marrying her.
She was touched by his present attitude. He was waiting so patiently,
so humbly. She saw his deep agitation.
Suddenly, by a quick movement, she turned toward him and held out her
hand. Dudleigh took it, and for a moment each gazed into the other's
eyes, regardless of observation. Dudleigh's face was deathly pale, and
his hand as cold as ice.
“Oh, my friend,” said Edith, in a low, hesitating voice, “what can I say
to you? I can not give you love. I have no such feeling, but I feel
deep gratitude. I know your worth. You have done so much, and I wish I
could feel different. If you take me as I am, I--I--I am--yours. But I
am not worthy. No, I am not--not worthy of such devotion. You love me,
but I do not love you. What can I do? Yet in spite of this, if you ask
me, I am--yours.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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