"I couldn't do that," she said, "because if he had not understood me I
should have hated him, and I do not like hating people whom I have
loved. But now I dine with him from time to time, and I can see that he
is still wondering how it was that on Monday I loved him and on Tuesday
I didn't."
As we walked through the Park towards the Park Lane gates, it seemed to
me wonderful that this day, one among many days, should already be
passing, irrevocably, and that what we had said and what we had felt as
we sat on chairs in the sun would never be repeated, would never come
again except perhaps in a different way and with different surprises.
And when I asked her if she felt the happiness of the afternoon, she
laughed slightly and said that she liked the Park this spring afternoon.
"It is perfect now," she said, "but when we come here in a month's or
two months' time it will be too warm to sit in the sun and talk about
love and Henry James, and in the autumn we will sit down for a moment
and shiver a little and pity the brown leaves falling, and in the winter
we will walk quickly through because it will be too cold; and then in
Park Lane you will put me into a taxi and stand by the door with your
hat in your hand, and say good-bye. For the seasons will have gone
round, and we shall each have given what the other will take, and when I
look at you you will be different, and when you look at me you will not
see, as you see now, my eyes looking far away over your shoulder, and
you will not wonder what it is that I am looking at. For then, as you
stand by the door of the taxi and smile your good-bye at me, the end
will have come, and there will be nothing to look at in the distance
over your shoulders. And next year you will be an 'old friend,' and I
shall ring you up and say that I am very sorry I can't lunch and walk in
the Park with you that day because an Oxfordish young man has fallen in
love with me, and it will be amusing to see what sort of lunch he will
order when he is in love.
"But is a rose less beautiful because it is sure to die?" she said.
But the winter she spoke of was not of the seasons, for it rushed
incontinently in upon us between the summer and the autumn, and I, too,
was delicately added to the sedate statuary of Shelmerdene's "old
friends...."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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