When men grow old they are apt to discover pleasant memories attached
even to the worst periods, as they thought them at the time, of their
lives. I am not very old as yet, but looking back calmly on the eighteen
months I spent in South Kensington, I can find here and there, through
an exaggerated cloud of depression and wretchedness, a pleasant memory
smiling reprovingly at me; as though, perhaps, I should not be
treacherous to the good hours God or my luck had given me.... And there
was one moment of them all, when, in the first darkness of an early
autumn night, a dim slight figure stood mysteriously on my doorstep, and
I blinked childishly at it because I did not know who the figure was nor
how it had come there--if indeed it had come at all, and I had not
dreamed the ring of the bell which had startled me out of my book. Or,
perhaps, she had made a mistake, hadn't come for me at all....
But when she spoke, asking for me, I began to remember her, but only her
voice, for I could not see her face which was hidden in the high fur
collar of an evening cloak. She looked so mysterious that I didn't want
to remember where I had seen her.
"I simply can't bear it," she said nervously, "if you don't remember me.
I'll go away." And she turned her head quickly to the gates where there
stood the thick dark shape of a taxi which I had somehow not seen
before, else I would have known for certain that she was not a fairy, a
Lilith fairy, but just a woman; a nice woman who takes life at a
venture, I decided, and said abruptly: "Don't go."
When we were upstairs in my sitting-room and I could see her by the
light of eight candles, I remembered her perfectly well, though I had
only seen her once before. We had met at some tiresome bridge party six
months before, but just incidentally, and without enough interest on
either side to carry the conversation beyond the tepid limits of our
surroundings. And as I had never once thought of her since I had shaken
myself free of them, I couldn't imagine how on earth she had known my
address or even remembered my name, which she didn't dare try to
pronounce, she had told me as we went up the stairs.
She said that she, too, had never thought about me at all since then,
"until to-night when I was playing bridge in the same room with the same
people, except that you were not there--and I remembered you only
suddenly, as something missing from the room. I didn't remember you
because of anything you said, but because you had been the worst bridge
player in the room, and had the most unscrupulous brown eyes that ever
advised a flapper to inhale her cigarette smoke, as it was no use her
smoking if she didn't. And thinking about you among those people who
seemed more dreary than ever to-night, I had a silly homesick feeling
about you as though we were comrades in distress, whereas I didn't even
know your name properly and never shall if you don't somehow make it a
presentable one.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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