Time, they say, can efface all things, but in truth it can efface
nothing but its own inability to smooth out the real problems of life;
so at least I have found in the one instance in which I have challenged
time to do its best for me, a slave bound down by an unholy wizardry; or
else, perhaps, it was that Shelmerdene was not made of the stuff which
fades into the years and becomes musty and haggard in their increasing
company. I do not know. But, take it as I will, all the service time has
been able to do for me has been negative, for without disarranging one
hair of her head it has only emphasised in me the profound and subtle
influence of that gracefully licentious woman whom I once called
Shelmerdene, because, I told her, "it is the name of an American girl
which I found in a very bad American novel about the fanatical Puritans
of New England, and the name seems to suit you because in New England
they would have treated you exactly as they treated Shelmerdene Gray,
the heroine of this book, whom they branded and burnt as a shameless
woman, but loved in their withered hearts for her gaiety, and elegance,
and wit, which they couldn't understand, but vaguely felt was as much an
expression of Christ as their own wizened virtue."
Out of the silence of two years at last came a letter from her. I found
it when I came in very late one night, and for a long time I stood in my
little hall and examined the Eastern stamp and postmark; and the writing
on the envelope was so exactly the same as on the last note she had sent
me before leaving England that I had to smile at the idea of
Shelmerdene, in the rush of her last pursuit of her perfect fate, laying
in a sufficient store of her own special nibs to last her for the
lifetime she intended to spend abroad; for when I opened the letter I
found that, as I had guessed, she would never come back to England,
saying, "I am a fugitive branch which has at last found its parent
tree.... I have run my perfect fate to earth, Dikran! more perfect than
any dream, more lasting than the most perfect dream. And life is so
beautiful that I can scarcely bear your not being here to share it, for,
you see, I am quite sure that you are still the dear you were two years
ago. But it is so tiresome of you to be so young, and to have to
experience so many things before you can qualify for my sort of
happiness; and on top of being young you are so restless and fussy, too,
with your ideas of what you are going to do, and your ambitions--how it
must tire the mind to be ambitious! It would certainly tire mine in this
climate, so will you please make a note of the fact that I simply forbid
you to come out here to join me! You are too young to be happy, and you
aren't wise enough to be contented; and you can't hope to be wise enough
until you begin to lose a bit of that mane of hair of yours, which I
hope you never will, for I remember how I loved one particular wave in
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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