He felt a fluttering touch upon his hair and started up. There before
him on the desk lay a faded leaf of paper--a page closely written over
in twirly, dim writing. He lifted it up and held it to the light, his
nostrils catching a scent wraith-frail and delicate, like a dead
pansy's ghost--
No--no--no! Why did you write it? Why did you put it into words? For
now I must keep it always. I cannot destroy it. You _knew_ I would
not--_could_ not---let you do what you beg me to! Never, never! I am
not so mad. Nor are you, really. It is not your best self speaking in
this letter. Sometime--
His gaze became fixed. He gave a hoarse cry--a mist was before his
eyes. He snatched at the top of the yellowed sheet--it was dated
twenty years before, and the hand-writing, how familiar! He laid the
leaf flat in the lamp-light and read it through, with every nerve
throbbing to a memory that had started afresh, as instinct as though
days, not years, had sifted their dust upon it:
Sometime you will thank me--will think of this only as a ghastly
indiscretion from which you were caught away in time. We do not make
the world we live in, and it is a thousand times stronger than we are.
No, if we play the game we must stick to the rules. To think of
overstepping that boundary, in such a desperate fashion, gives my
fastidious sense a strange recoil--something like that curious shame
and confusion that associates itself with a dream in which one finds
one's-self scantily clad in the midst of wondering strangers! No--no!
I do not think I shall send this letter--but perhaps I may at the end.
For I am going away. I sail to-morrow. Shall I see you
again--ever--ever? What will you think--
That was all. It broke off abruptly as though the writer had laid it
aside, never to be finished.
In the silent library the Judge looked at that mute witness as at one
risen from the dead. Twenty years of absence and silence--twenty years
out of his ken, save to the thriving memory! For how long the hand
that had penned those lines had been dust, yet the poor symbols of ink
and paper persisted to confront him now! How had the sheet come to be
on that desk that she had bequeathed him? It had not lain there a
moment before.
He brought the lamp and examined the desk attentively, pulling out
every tiny drawer, sounding each carved partition, twisting and tugging
at every projecting portion of the ornamentation. With a thin, metal
paper-knife he explored each warp and crevice. But his search was
fruitless. If the leaf had slipped from some crack--loosened, perhaps,
by the fall of the brass bowl upon it that day--the old desk kept its
secret.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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