Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Teachers -- Fiction
Then Rickie was heroic no longer. Turning round in his chair, he
covered his face. The man was right. He did not love him, even as he
had never hated him. In either passion he had degraded him to be a
symbol for the vanished past. The man was right, and would have been
lovable. He longed to be back riding over those windy fields, to be
back in those mystic circles, beneath pure sky. Then they could have
watched and helped and taught each other, until the word was a reality,
and the past not a torn photograph, but Demeter the goddess rejoicing
in the spring. Ah, if he had seized those high opportunities! For
they led to the highest of all, the symbolic moment, which, if a man
accepts, he has accepted life.
The voice of Agnes, which had lured him then (“For my sake,” she had
whispered), pealed over him now in triumph. Abruptly it broke into sobs
that had the effect of rain. He started up. The anger had died out of
Stephen’s face, not for a subtle reason but because here was a woman,
near him, and unhappy.
She tried to apologize, and brought on a fresh burst of tears.
Something had upset her. They heard her locking the door of her room.
From that moment their intercourse was changed.
“Why does she keep crying today?” mused Rickie, as if he spoke to some
mutual friend.
“I can make a guess,” said Stephen, and his heavy face flushed.
“Did you insult her?” he asked feebly.
“But who’s Gerald?”
Rickie raised his hand to his mouth.
“She looked at me as if she knew me, and then gasps ‘Gerald,’ and
started crying.”
“Gerald is the name of some one she once knew.”
“So I thought.” There was a long silence, in which they could hear a
piteous gulping cough. “Where is he now?” asked Stephen.
“Dead.”
“And then you—?”
Rickie nodded.
“Bad, this sort of thing.”
“I didn’t know of this particular thing. She acted as if she had
forgotten him. Perhaps she had, and you woke him up. There are queer
tricks in the world. She is overstrained. She has probably been
plotting ever since you burst in last night.”
“Against me?”
“Yes.”
Stephen stood irresolute. “I suppose you and she pulled together?” he
said at last.
“Get away from us, man! I mind losing you. Yet it’s as well you don’t
stop.”
“Oh, _that’s_ out of the question,” said Stephen, brushing his cap.
“If you’ve guessed anything, I’d be obliged if you didn’t mention it.
I’ve no right to ask, but I’d be obliged.”
He nodded, and walked slowly along the landing and down the stairs.
Rickie accompanied him, and even opened the front door. It was as if
Agnes had absorbed the passion out of both of them. The suburb was now
wrapped in a cloud, not of its own making. Sigh after sigh passed along
its streets to break against dripping walls. The school, the houses
were hidden, and all civilization seemed in abeyance. Only the simplest
sounds, the simplest desires emerged. They agreed that this weather was
strange after such a sunset.
“That’s a collie,” said Stephen, listening.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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