I was going to stop on a bridge and leave my coat, with the gun in it,
and with my wallet in it, to serve as proof that I had jumped.
But it wasn't I. It was Fred Martin. I was fighting to destroy the
illusion of his surface thoughts being mine, of my being Fred Martin.
It was no use. The most I could accomplish was a conscious realization
of the fact.
Abruptly I tried another line. If I couldn't divorce myself from him
could I actually control him for a brief moment? I had done so before,
when he wasn't under emotional tension.
I looked at the concrete streetlight standards on the curb. I was
travelling fast. Forty-five. If I could twist the wheel and crash into
a light standard....
I fought for control of my arms. Beads of perspiration formed on my
face. I didn't want to kill myself. Why did I think of such an absurd
thing?
But it wasn't I who didn't want to kill myself. It was Fred.
With that realization I jerked the steering wheel, feeling myself lurch
against the door as the car headed for the curb.
I was two people, and aware of the thoughts of both. I was Fred, and
he had done a curious thing in this last second of his life. He had
rejected the knowledge of impending death. To him the light standard
was Thordsen, and he was once again going to kill him.
And I was myself, aware suddenly that perhaps this was death for me
too, for with Fred's death there was nothing to transfer to.
I couldn't face it. I changed my mind and jerked frantically at the
wheel to avert the crash. And at the same time I felt myself lifted. I
saw the sidewalk and buildings spin. I had time to realize the car had
hit the curb and was turning over....
* * * * *
I frowned at the doodles I had drawn on the notepad. One was a
triangle. Another was a crude circle, resting on the bottom of the
triangle.
"Dr. Mintner," a voice said behind me.
I turned my head, startled. A man I had never seen before was standing
there, a plastic lab apron covering his shirt front.
"What is it?" I said.
My thoughts were whirling. I was Mintner. I had always been Mintner.
"I think I know what to do about that problem of the dialectric," he
said.
I smiled. The inexperienced fool. I had worked on that problem for two
years. It wasn't going to be solved easily. "Yes?" I said.
"I studied it from a different angle than the one you did," he said.
"That was what you suggested when I started here two months ago. Try
new lines of approach."
"That's right," I said. I smiled encouragingly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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