"If you like." Aliette spoke in her usual deliberate way. But now, for
the first time, she felt self-conscious. Was her hat on straight? Had
she remembered to powder her nose before starting?
Pouring tea, handing cups, busied with the most ordinary social duties,
there swept over her mind the most extraordinary fantasies. And quite
suddenly she wanted to take off her hat!
"But this is ridiculous," she said to herself. "I _can't_ take off my
hat." Nevertheless she wanted to. She must! This was _his_ room. His cap
lay on the sofa, his pipe on the mantelpiece. Therefore . . . She
realized with amazement that her hands were already raised to her head.
"Alie, you haven't given me any sugar." Her sister's irritated voice
dispelled the moment's illusion. One hand dropped to her lap, the other
to the sugar-tongs.
"Sorry, dear." She recognized the shyness in her own words, and covered
shyness with a conventional laugh, "I'm getting forgetful in my old
age."
Discussing ages with their bread and butter, they made the original
discovery that a woman is as old as she looks, et cetera. Over hunks of
Mrs. Wiggins's home-made cake, Ronald admitted to thirty-six,
Wilberforce to forty.
"You don't look forty," decided Mollie: and at that moment, just as she
was thinking she had never listened to a more artificial conversation,
Aliette trapped her host's blue eyes in a glance no woman could possibly
mistake.
In a way the glance, so momentary, so quickly veiled that only her heart
assured her that she had actually seen it, resembled the glance she had
trapped in her husband's eyes over dinner. And yet it was utterly
different. It held reverence, a resigned hopelessness, a devotional
quality of which Hector's cold gray pupils could never be capable.
Now, with amazement, she knew herself panicked. Panicked, not because of
the look in his eyes, but because she realized that, in another second,
her own would have responded to them. She was not "shocked" at his
daring; her inaccessible beauty had not passed through seven years of
married life in London without various similar experiences. But she was
"shocked" at her own impulse. Heretofore such glances, even the words
which on occasion accompanied them, had left her completely indifferent,
utterly uncaring, positively contemptuous. This--did not leave her
indifferent. This--this mattered. . . .
Subconsciously, she who never swore began swearing at herself. "You're a
fool, Aliette. A damn fool." Doubt nagged her. "You made a mistake. You
only imagined that glance." The code nagged her. "Even if you didn't
imagine it, he had no right----"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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